I used to think I was the ultimate partner. As a newlywed, I prioritized my relationship every day, focusing on the little things—like picking up my partner’s favorite craft beer after work, spontaneous massages, and willingly giving up the TV remote for his beloved soccer matches, even if it meant missing out on my favorite shows.
People warned me that everything would shift once we had a baby. Although I understood this conceptually, it was hard to envision anyone taking precedence over my husband. He was my top priority. Then, two years into our marriage, we welcomed a baby boy.
Guess who now holds the number-one spot? Yeah, my husband got bumped to second place, and that shift has resulted in more yelling than I ever anticipated. But before you rush to form a support group for verbally abused partners of new parents or offer him your couch, let me explain. Yes, it’s unfortunate that I yell at him almost daily. But trust me, it’s equally painful for me to be the one doing all the yelling.
The once-calm wife who rarely raised her voice has morphed into a stressed-out version of herself, unleashing frustrations on her partner until she feels voiceless (and a bit unhinged). Here are the top six reasons I find myself yelling at my husband:
- I Can’t Yell at the Baby.
About 90% of the time when I’m raising my voice at my husband, it’s because of the baby. Let’s face it, no decent person yells at a sweet little one for the chaos they bring. So, naturally, I vent my frustrations toward my husband, because it’s his genes contributing to our sleepless nights.
– The baby woke up every hour for no discernible reason.
– The baby decided to spit up all over my work clothes when I was already late.
– The baby screamed at me all day, and since I can’t yell back, my husband becomes the target. - I Can’t Yell at Work.
I’m fortunate to have a job I genuinely enjoy as a writer for a major financial institution. The best part? My wonderful team. However, spending 40 hours a week with the same people can sometimes lead to irritation. When that happens, guess who hears about it? Yep, my husband becomes the unfortunate recipient of my workplace frustrations. - I Haven’t Eaten All Day.
I embody the term “hangry.” My husband learned early on that once I declare hunger, he has a tight window to feed me before I turn into a grumpy mess. With the added responsibility of caring for a baby, I often forget to eat while ensuring my little one is fed. I can’t count the times I looked up at the clock to find it’s already 4 p.m. and I’ve only had a few bites of crackers. God help him if he comes home empty-handed! - I Haven’t Slept in Days.
Make that months. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture for a reason. In the early days of parenthood, I barely slept and felt like a prisoner in my own home. The exhaustion took a toll on my mood and my marriage. For months, my husband and I were in a constant state of sleep-deprived bickering, with me demanding he take his turn with the baby. If he hesitated, I didn’t just yell; I completely lost it, often at 3 a.m. - I Haven’t Exercised.
I didn’t realize how much of my identity was tied to running until I found myself unable to fit it into my schedule. Before becoming a parent, my husband was quick to suggest I go for a run if he noticed I was feeling down. Now, with a baby monopolizing my time, squeezing in a workout feels impossible. Exercise? What’s that? - He Forgives Me.
Marriage can be tough, and adding a newborn to the mix makes it even harder. It demands a lot of patience and forgiveness. Despite the yelling and the late-night arguments, my husband continually forgives me. Every single time.
I know this phase won’t last forever. Our relationship will likely never face a bigger challenge than navigating the adjustments of a new family member. It’s not that we aren’t happy; when I’m not yelling and our baby is being adorable, we are genuinely happier than we ever thought possible. It’s a different kind of happiness—like those Sunday mornings spent lazily in bed with my husband, baby, and dog, all snuggled up together. Sure, I might yell at him ten minutes later, but before letting that ruin the day, I always remind myself of reason number six.