Parenting
The Weight of Being the Eldest Child
by Sarah Collins
Updated: Aug. 8, 2016
Originally Published: Oct. 4, 2015
I can’t help but think about how quickly you apologized when you accidentally knocked over the cereal box this morning, and it tugs at my heart. I reassured you that it was okay—that it was just a mistake. Yet, your immediate instinct to say sorry makes me wonder: Have I placed too many expectations on you as the oldest child?
As I sit here contemplating, I plan on giving you a big hug when you wake up tomorrow. I promise to do better, to lower my expectations, and to remind myself that you’re just 7. But if history is any guide, I know that the moment something distracts me, I’ll likely revert to my old habits.
When it takes you a bit longer to get ready for school, I’ll probably rush you. If your hair dips into your breakfast, I’ll sigh and remind you to tie it up. Should you decide to disappear halfway through breakfast to dive back into your book, I might snap at you. But if your little brother does the same? I’d probably just roll my eyes—after all, he’s only 3. It’s not fair. In the grand scheme of things, 7 isn’t that much older than 3, but as the firstborn, it feels like the world expects more from you.
It really isn’t fair. I intend to change my approach, yet I know this journey will be long.
When you were 3, just like your brother now, I expected a lot from you. You were the “big sister,” no longer a baby. Looking back, I realize how unreasonable that was. Your brother wanders off during meals, helps himself to snacks, takes his sweet time getting dressed, and always claims the toy. I find myself thinking, “Oh, he’s just little. Let him enjoy it.” But I didn’t extend you the same grace. I was too focused on wanting you to act grown-up, to follow the rules.
At 6, when you were in school, I assumed you’d be articulate and capable of grasping everything thrown your way. When you didn’t, I grew frustrated. When transitions were tough for you, I couldn’t see it. With your brother, I approach things differently; I tiptoe around his feelings, prepare him for changes, and celebrate his small victories. Why didn’t I adopt this mindset with you? I expected too much.
And I know that when your brother turns 7 and your sister reaches that age, I’ll have adjusted my expectations. I won’t see them as older; I’ll recognize them as kids still learning and growing, deserving of patience. I must come to this realization now, not wait for a couple of years.
You’re just 7, and being the oldest doesn’t mean you have to act older than you are. You can be mature by helping with your siblings, assisting with chores, and picking out your outfits. But you can also be young—running around the table during breakfast, feeling no rush about the morning, and letting your hair fall into your food. You’re still a little girl, and I need to keep that in mind. Instead of lowering my expectations, I should elevate my expectations of myself. I should remember to hug you twice in the morning and help tie your hair back.
This article was originally published on Oct. 4, 2015.
If you’re interested in learning more about the journey of parenting, check out our other posts on topics like home insemination kits or how to boost fertility with supplements—they’re excellent resources. Additionally, if you’re navigating pregnancy, you can find valuable information at Healthline.
In summary, being the firstborn carries a unique set of expectations that can sometimes feel overwhelming. It’s essential to recognize that children, regardless of their birth order, are all still learning and growing. As parents, we must strive to adjust our expectations appropriately, ensuring that we provide the love and support our children need at every stage of their development.
Keyphrase: The Weight of Being the Eldest Child
Tags: [“home insemination kit” “home insemination syringe” “self insemination”]