Cliché Alert: The past twelve months have zipped by in a whirlwind. It all began last August when I welcomed a tiny human into my life. Fast forward six months, and we found ourselves relocating from the serene countryside of Maryland to the bustling streets of NYC. I embarked on a new job, my partner started a new job, we attended a staggering number of weddings (264, give or take), and we accumulated quite a bit of gray hair along the way. Now, that tiny human has transformed into a chubby little dynamo, just about ready to celebrate their first birthday. Here are some lessons I’ve learned about babies, parenting, and myself during this whirlwind year:
- Babies don’t need nearly as much stuff as the registry experts at Buy Buy Baby will lead you to believe. These folks are skilled manipulators, preying on the hormonal chaos that new parents experience. We managed to keep our daughter thriving without fancy wipe warmers and just one bouncy chair—not four!
- I’m convinced that 99.9% of children’s programming is designed by sadists on sedatives. Whenever possible, swap it out for the Food Network or HGTV. I’m aiming for my toddler to be a mini home renovator and culinary expert by the time she turns two.
- Always keep your newborn’s “danger zone” covered during diaper changes… unless you’re keen on a surprise shower of urine or feces first thing in the morning.
- Don’t obsess over other babies’ milestones. Every child develops at their own pace. If there’s genuine concern, your pediatrician will inform you. So feel free to roll your eyes at anyone who asks why your 10-month-old isn’t yet crawling.
- Mealtimes with a baby are akin to sitting in the splash zone at a Gallagher show. Don a rain poncho or wait to dress for work until after they’ve eaten—most of their breakfast will end up on you anyway.
- If you want sleep, get your baby in their own bed and on a schedule—pronto. Experts suggest that kids thrive on routine, and establishing a sleep pattern is necessary. This was a game changer for our sanity; our daughter has been a solid sleeper since two months old.
- Finding childcare is the worst part of parenting. It’s like dating, but worse. Whether you’re interviewing nannies or trying to secure a spot at a daycare, it’s a maddening and expensive process.
- NYC playgrounds in summer feel like the Ninth Circle of Hell: blistering heat, echoing screams, and dirt-covered children climbing all over each other.
- If you don’t already have friends with kids, make some. They’ll provide invaluable support and can hold a conversation through any toddler tantrum.
- Your baby WILL roll off the couch or bed, no matter how careful you think you are. It’s bound to happen, likely while you’re distracted by Instagram. Thankfully, kids are quite resilient, but maybe put some pillows down, just in case.
- If you have hardwood floors, attach Swiffer cloths to your baby’s hands and knees when they start crawling—it’s a DIY Roomba.
- Remove the batteries from the TV remote before granting your child free access to it; otherwise, you may end up with a messed-up DVR.
- Skip the pricey baby toys. Household items like kitchen utensils, empty bottles, and shoe boxes will keep them entertained for ages (which translates to about 50 seconds).
- Anyone who manages to take monthly photos with numerical stickers for an entire year deserves a medal. I lost mine in the chaos of moving, and I’m pretty sure the months four and five pictures were taken just weeks apart.
- If you’ve ever judged another parent during a public meltdown, brace yourself for karma. I now have a little screecher who loves to express herself at volume 11. It’s not even crying; it’s more like a high-pitched siren. Just when you think it can’t get worse, she’ll throw her shoe at you.
- Forget fancy teething toys; a wet washcloth is the real MVP. And if that fails, there’s always Tylenol.
- Puff snacks are basically baby crack. Once your little one has a tooth, never leave home without them.
- Germs are inevitable. At some point, everything within reach will end up in their mouth—your phone, keys, the dog’s tail. You can only sanitize so much before adopting the motto: “Eh, it’ll help build her immune system.”
- Take your baby out to the bar and anywhere else you go. We bring our little one along to show her that happy hour is much more appealing than Chuck E. Cheese.
- During the first year, don’t make the rookie mistake of skipping birth control or having a few too many drinks, then telling your partner, “Don’t worry, I’m definitely not ovulating.” If you do, you may find yourself in line at the drugstore with a 4-month-old in a carrier, frantically seeking pregnancy tests or the morning-after pill.
- While social media is full of new moms expressing how their hearts “burst with joy” the moment their child arrived, that wasn’t my experience. In those initial weeks, I felt confused and overwhelmed. It’s not a crime to feel disconnected. If you experience similar feelings, don’t hesitate to talk to someone about it.
As I’ve gotten to know this little person, my love for her has grown immensely. I’ve come to see how much more entertaining parenting becomes—she’s getting cooler by the day, and I’m eagerly awaiting the day she can contribute to the rent!
For more insights on parenthood and fertility journeys, check out this resource from ACOG and learn about options available through Cryobaby.
Keyphrase: Lessons from the First Year of Parenthood
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