“Don’t swim if you don’t want to,” remarked the elegant older woman with shimmering blue eyes and flowing gray hair. Her gaze was fixed on my long, brown locks, and she tenderly stroked my hair as she spoke, her deep oceanic eyes locking onto my green ones. We weren’t near a pool, and I was oblivious to the true meaning behind her words at the time. This woman, a patient battling Alzheimer’s, spoke those simple phrases long before I embraced motherhood. We were visiting my husband’s grandfather in a specialized wing for Alzheimer’s patients, and she seemed drawn to me, a reminder of someone from her past, as the nurse suggested. I sat there, allowing her to caress my hair while she repeated her swimming mantra, occasionally grasping my face to gaze into my eyes. Since that moment, her words have become a metaphor for my life—don’t engage in what you don’t want to do. Recently, I’ve found myself applying this wisdom more literally as I navigate parenting my son.
At nearly 6 years old, my son has yet to conquer the art of swimming. I’ve echoed that woman’s words: “If you don’t want to swim, don’t swim.” However, swimming is a safety issue, and he must learn the skill. He may not want to swim, but he needs to know how. Despite our persistent efforts, he remains terrified of the water. I remember one beach trip when he was just two years old; the house we stayed in had an in-ground pool surrounded by a fence. He wouldn’t even approach the fence. We coaxed, bribed, and eventually got him to stand by the pool on the last day of our trip. He screamed the entire time—two minutes of sheer panic—until we realized we might be traumatizing him. So, we decided to postpone our swimming ambitions.
The next year, we enrolled him in swim classes. My husband joined him for the Mommy and Me sessions. At three years old, while other toddlers splashed around, my son clung to his dad, refusing to try. We didn’t press him; he remained in floatation devices, never swimming without an adult. This cycle repeated year after year—swim class after swim class, beach visit after beach visit, family pool outings. He simply wouldn’t swim. It seemed unrelated to his strong-willed nature or lack of adventurous spirit; he is indeed strong-willed but has never resisted anything as much as this. He’s quite the adventurer in other aspects of life, relishing new friendships, sampling exotic foods, exploring summer camps, and picking up musical instruments or wading into creeks for crawfish. Yet, swimming eludes him.
As he approaches his sixth birthday, we’re headed to California to visit my brother, and a water park adventure awaits. He must learn to swim. Last night marked the beginning of our nightly pool visits at the YMCA. My son sat on the steps for 45 minutes, listing every reason he didn’t want to swim. But eventually, he took the plunge—literally. He stepped into the water and began to kick his feet, attempting to swim.
As I tucked him into bed, he recounted the evening’s events, revealing his disappointment at how long it took him to summon the courage to enter the pool. He shared his fears, confessing he was embarrassed for not knowing how to swim at almost six years old. I reassured him of the importance of learning and reminded him that doing his best was what truly mattered. “If you try your hardest, there’s no reason to feel embarrassed. But if you don’t at least give it a shot, you’ll never discover your potential.” As we snuggled, he wrapped his arms around my neck and whispered, “I’ll just try harder tomorrow.”
Isn’t that what we all can do? Just try a little harder tomorrow. Lying beside him, I reflected on that woman in the hospital years ago, delivering a clear message: If we don’t want to swim—whatever that swimming may represent—we don’t have to. But if we never try, how will we know if we truly don’t want to? I hope my son embraces this lesson: be brave, try new things, and if you find you don’t enjoy them, that’s perfectly okay. Ultimately, it’s the effort that counts.
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Summary
A mother reflects on the wisdom imparted by a woman with Alzheimer’s, applying it to her struggles with her son’s fear of swimming. Despite his terror, they embrace the idea of trying harder tomorrow, emphasizing the importance of effort and courage in overcoming fears.
Keyphrase: “parenting lessons on courage and growth”
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