Our romantic life hit a rough patch. Admitting this isn’t easy, especially when sharing it with strangers online, but it’s the truth. Our moments of intimacy dwindled to near extinction, impacting not just our relationship but our entire family dynamic.
Juggling the challenges of rheumatoid arthritis and the chaos of raising two toddlers (which adds its own layer of exhaustion) left my husband and me struggling to find a solution. Mornings were out of the question; my arthritis and early-rising kids made spontaneous encounters nearly impossible. Each morning, I would promise myself to save some energy for my husband later, but then the 1-year-old would gleefully wreck the 3-year-old’s meticulously built train tracks, leading to a long bout of crying before I even had my coffee. By the time my husband came home from work and we settled the kids, I was often too drained to do anything but zone out in front of the TV before collapsing into bed. Clearly, we needed a change.
That’s when we started considering the idea of scheduling intimacy. Initially, neither of us was thrilled about it; it felt forced and unromantic. My husband worried it would simply add to my stress as yet another item on my to-do list (no pun intended!). However, with our libidos being so mismatched and our time alone so scarce, we decided to give it a shot.
As we brainstormed which night might work best, we realized that our lives lacked more than just sex. All kinds of intimacy — from casual touches to heartfelt conversations — had taken a backseat as we became preoccupied with our children’s needs. We had been so focused on our little ones that we neglected the connection between us for far too long.
As a stay-at-home mom juggling two small kids and living with a chronic illness, I often felt overwhelmed and fatigued. The chores never seemed to end: diaper changes, laundry, grocery runs, cooking, and endless attempts to get my 3-year-old to eat something nutritious. Not to mention cleaning up a cascade of messes, attending doctor’s appointments — both for the kids and myself — and dealing with the never-ending saga of medical bills and insurance disputes. It’s no wonder I struggled to feel in the mood!
After deep reflection on these challenges, we hit upon a solution: What if we dedicated one night each week to focus on our unmet needs? My husband needed physical closeness, while I craved time to unwind. We agreed that on our designated night, he would take charge of the kids and prepare dinner when he got home, allowing me to relax and perhaps even enjoy some fun in the bedroom. We chose a night and committed to trying it for a month.
Fast forward several months, and this plan has worked wonders for us. Most weeks, a little time for myself is all I need to rekindle my neglected desire. Importantly, my husband isn’t doing this as a trade for intimacy; he genuinely wants to help me, and I strive to conserve energy for him in return.
Of course, it doesn’t always go as planned. Some nights the kids are too rambunctious for me to get a proper break, and despite our best intentions, I may be too weary to consider intimacy. But that’s perfectly fine for both of us. The key is that we’re putting in the effort to meet each other’s needs, which has made a significant difference. In fact, since we began this schedule, we’ve both felt inspired to connect on unscheduled days as well.
A wise person once said that a family functions like a triangle with three corners: the children, the couple, and the individual. It’s easy to lose sight of the couple and individual needs while focusing solely on the kids, leading to an unbalanced triangle. The truth is, attending to all three aspects is crucial for a healthy family dynamic. Surprisingly, scheduling intimacy has allowed us to achieve just that.
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In summary, scheduling intimacy has proven to be a transformative tool for reconnecting with my partner. By focusing on each other’s needs, we’ve rekindled our relationship and found balance in our family life.
Keyphrase: scheduling intimacy
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