By: Mia Thompson
Updated: Dec. 8, 2020
Originally Published: Oct. 1, 2015
Last week, my 5-year-old son, Noah, began his violin lessons, but his enthusiasm seemed somewhat lukewarm. My partner, Jake, and I both enjoy playing guitar and singing at home, so Noah has been surrounded by music since he was a baby. He loves to sing and even asked for lessons after a friend gifted us an old violin. However, during his first lesson, he was rather quiet and only reluctantly echoed the melodies the instructor introduced. Whether he will choose to stick with it and invest sufficient practice time remains to be seen.
Jake and I have different opinions on whether to insist he continue with the lessons, despite his disinterest. I believe that learning an instrument, reading music, and developing an ear for sound are invaluable skills that should be a part of his upbringing—even if he may not appreciate it right now. I feel that regular lessons and daily practice should be non-negotiable parts of his childhood. On the other hand, Jake argues that music should be a source of joy and that kids (and adults) should only pursue it if they genuinely wish to and at a pace they find comfortable.
Our views are shaped by our own childhood experiences. Both of us took violin and piano lessons but were never forced to practice and could quit when we chose. As adults, we both picked up the guitar; Jake quickly became quite proficient, while I continue to struggle as a perpetual novice. He feels fulfilled with his musical journey and has no regrets about discontinuing his childhood lessons, while I sometimes wish my mom had been more insistent about my practice. (I can almost hear her now, “You try to make a rebellious 10-year-old go through her scales!”) So yes, perhaps I’m indulging a bit in wishful thinking, as convincing a child to put in the hours necessary for mastery can be quite a challenge. If Noah continues to resist, I might find myself waving the white flag.
For now, we’re focusing on keeping music enjoyable—something we do together as a family, crafting silly songs to sing. He has a knack for detecting any attempts to “trick” him into lessons, such as when I sing scales disguised as the “happy numbers song.” For now, he’s only interested in train-themed tunes. One thing we do understand, at least somewhat, is the mindset of a 5-year-old: he can stay up an extra 20 minutes past his 2-year-old brother, but only if he opts to sing or play a song with us. Plus, the violin is his “special item,” off-limits to his little brother.
There’s no reason music shouldn’t remain fun. I often ponder why I didn’t enjoy music as a child, yet find it fulfilling now. Jake points out that as adults, we have control over our schedules, teachers, song choices, and practice time—freedoms children typically lack. Even if Noah decides to abandon the violin, he can explore other instruments or simply enjoy singing with us. Ultimately, I hope he remains an engaged listener, allowing music to enrich his life always. That alone would make the whole endeavor worthwhile.
This article was initially published on Oct. 1, 2015.
For more insights on parenting, including topics around home insemination, check out this post on our website.
Summary:
Deciding whether to compel a child to take music lessons can be challenging for parents. While one parent may see the value in structured learning, the other might prioritize the child’s enjoyment and freedom of choice. Striking a balance between fostering a love for music and ensuring it remains a fun part of childhood is crucial. Ultimately, even if a child opts out of formal lessons, encouraging an appreciation for music can lead to a lifelong passion.
Keyphrase: Should you force a child to study music
Tags: “home insemination kit”, “home insemination syringe”, “self insemination”