7 Hard-Earned Lessons About Grief

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I have a confession: Yesterday, I found myself sobbing on my living room floor, still in my pajamas, with my laptop open and Netflix streaming. For two whole hours, I cried through a movie starring Adam Sandler. I’m not quite sure whether this was a new high or a new low—perhaps a decidedly low moment.

The day before marked nine months since I lost my youngest son, Leo. The first six months after his passing were manageable, simply more dates on the calendar. It seemed like I had reached my socially acceptable period of mourning. But grief doesn’t adhere to a timeline. It often hits you when you least expect it. In fact, months 6 through 9 were especially tough, and I have a feeling that months 10 through 13 won’t be much easier. You may find yourself weeping on the floor, clutching your heart during a comedy.

Grief isn’t just one loss; it can be a series of overwhelming losses stacked upon each other—divorce, death, disappointment, and disillusionment. Each type of loss carries its own grief, and over the past months, I’ve encountered several, none of which compare to the loss of my son. Grief has become a persistent, unwelcome visitor in my life.

Here’s what I’ve gleaned about this complicated emotion:

  1. Grief is Timeless.
    The moments I predict will be challenging often aren’t, while unexpected triggers can hit me out of the blue. The first anniversaries are tough, as are the second and third. Eventually, you may find yourself laughing amid tears, and on those days, it’s important to embrace the complexity of your emotions.
  2. Grief Makes You Awkward.
    What do you say to people? How do you navigate new social interactions? When friends or acquaintances ask personal questions, you might stumble over your own words. The awkwardness can be overwhelming, leaving you questioning everything you say.
  3. Grief Removes Your Filters.
    You may find yourself speaking with brutal honesty, having little patience for trivial matters or small talk. Dark humor can also become your go-to coping mechanism, which is often frowned upon in polite society. After all, who but a grieving person or a serial killer can make morbid jokes without flinching?
  4. Grief Drains Your Energy.
    That eagerness to embrace life can sometimes be overshadowed by your physical state. On some days, curling up in bed with a pint of ice cream and binge-watching movies feels far more appealing than facing the world. And you know what? Those days are perfectly okay.
  5. Grief Plays by Its Own Rules.
    Grief doesn’t follow a manual. It can lead to public meltdowns, awkward comments, and moments of sheer embarrassment. Some days, you may feel utterly depleted, while other times, you might be inspired to honor the legacies of those you’ve lost. It’s a rollercoaster, and everyone experiences it differently.
  6. Grief Becomes Part of You, Not Your Entire Identity.
    Loss can feel like a part of you has been removed, yet grief is just one aspect of who you are. It may envelop you like a thick fog, but underneath it all, you remain unchanged at your core—still you, albeit altered.
  7. Grief Feels Isolating, but You’re Never Alone.
    It’s crucial to remember: many have walked this path before you, and many will follow. You are not alone in your pain, and neither are you alone in your healing. If others have found a way to survive and even thrive, then you can too. If I can sob through an Adam Sandler movie, you can find the strength to navigate your own journey.

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Summary

Grief is a complex, unpredictable journey that often defies societal expectations. It can make you feel isolated, awkward, and drained while reshaping your identity. However, it’s essential to remember that it doesn’t define you and that you are not alone in your experience.

Keyphrase: grief lessons
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