Before welcoming my first child, I naively believed that becoming a parent would instantly elevate my status to a sex expert. After all, I had successfully created a human life, so how hard could it be? Little did I know that once the baby arrived, I would wave goodbye not only to my sleep, stylish outfits, and pre-baby confidence in the bedroom, but also to my adult sense of sexual prowess. Where was the warning about this? It’s as if nobody prepared me for the fact that postpartum intimacy could feel like being a clumsy teenager all over again. Honestly, who do I speak to about this? The authors of parenting manuals completely glossed over the reality of revisiting that awkward first-time experience.
While the literature often mentions waiting for the doctor’s green light—usually around six weeks post-delivery—none of it truly prepares you for the reality. My doctor advised me to take it slow when attempting to reconnect with my sexuality, but that felt about as alarming as my dad reminding me to warm up the car in winter. Didn’t anyone think to mention that my sexual journey had come full circle, forcing me into a sort of sexual reboot? After chatting with some friends, we all agree: it’s high time parenting books included a chapter detailing the surprising regression back to your adolescent sex life. So, with a few glasses of wine and a generous slice of chocolate cake for courage, here’s what my friends and I think you need to know about postpartum intimacy.
1. Is It Going to Hurt?
The myth that your vagina is looser post-baby is a cruel joke. I still vividly remember the doctor stitching me up after my episiotomy, her winking comment about a “husband stitch” ringing in my ears. Seriously? I just gave birth, and now we’re discussing making things tighter for my husband? Fast forward six weeks, and the anxiety about whether my body would even accommodate intimacy hit hard. After delivering a baby, the thought of anything else entering that space was daunting. Cue the nostalgia of Foreigner’s “Feels Like the Very First Time” playing in my head. Prep with lube, lots of it—it’s just like old times.
2. What Am I Doing?
Sure, I had enough knowledge to get myself into this postpartum situation, but everything now feels so foreign. The sensation is different—not necessarily bad, just unfamiliar. It’s as if I have a brand-new vagina, and my partner is equally bewildered by the changes in my body, especially with my now milk-producing breasts. It’s like being 17 again and navigating uncharted waters.
3. Hide! Someone’s Coming!
The postpartum phase is when you feel more like an adult than ever, yet you’re also completely at the mercy of a tiny human. It’s just like those teenage years when you felt mature enough for intimacy, but the options were limited. “Quick! We’ve got five minutes before the baby wakes up! Not the bedroom—too risky! The car? Perfect!” It’s a bittersweet realization that after years of waiting for the freedom to explore, now my entire sex life revolves around a little one who’s just 21 inches long.
4. Where Did My Confidence Go?
Most of us had established our intimacy before having a baby, and while we shared that journey together, the arrival of the baby can feel like the lights dimming on that connection. The body I once confidently revealed to my partner transformed into a vessel for life, and now that the baby is here, I’m at a loss. Things jiggle, parts feel different, and honestly, it’s awkward being scrutinized. The girl I used to be feels like a distant memory, and this “new me” is still a work in progress.
5. Falling in Love Again
Let’s face it—seeing the person you created a baby with is a different experience. You’ll discover a new level of admiration as you witness your partner nurturing your child. Remember that exhilarating feeling of falling in love? It’s back, and you’ll get to experience that spark all over again. Postpartum intimacy can be a wild ride—filled with the same awkwardness of your first time, yet there’s something undeniably special about rediscovering each other amid this new chapter of parenthood.
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Summary
Postpartum sex can feel strikingly similar to your first experience due to changes in your body, emotions, and dynamics with your partner. From anxiety about discomfort to the awkwardness of rediscovering intimacy while managing parenthood, navigating this phase can be a challenge. Yet, it also offers a unique opportunity to reconnect with your partner on a deeper level.
Keyphrase: postpartum sex
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