Healing begins with honesty. The moment you acknowledge who you truly are, regardless of the potential reactions from others, is when you start to feel liberated. I’ve been relatively open with close friends and family about my unconventional lifestyle, but in broader social settings, I’ve kept it under wraps. Now it’s time to reveal my truth: I’ve been a sober vegetarian for over 15 years.
The path has certainly not been smooth for me or for those around me. My family, friends, and even event planners have faced challenges as they’ve tried to understand and accommodate my choices. Although I appreciate their efforts, I often feel isolated—not from missing out on barbecues or drinks, but from the struggle of sharing my lifestyle with the world and managing the discomfort that follows.
At social gatherings, I’m frequently faced with the need to explain my choices. It’s anything but relaxing. I find myself moving from group to group, politely declining cocktails, beers, and meat-laden dishes. Sometimes, I wish I could just stand on a chair and announce my preferences, perhaps with a side note to ease the tension. I often resort to pouring grape juice into a wine glass and feigning a lack of appetite just to sidestep the whole ordeal.
Then there are those persistent individuals who, despite my clear refusals, insist on loading my plate with meaty offerings, suggesting I simply pick off what I don’t want. My mischievous side occasionally dreams of handing them a tofu-filled dish and encouraging them to do the same. Yet, I usually choose to keep that thought to myself.
It’s not just the meat-eaters who’ve tried to “rescue” me. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve discreetly poured alcohol over my shoulder or into trash bins to avoid offending those who use drinks as social lubrication. For those offended by my wastefulness, I sincerely apologize.
I understand that honesty is the best approach, even if it feels childish to just play along. I’ve tried the polite refusal route, but it always leads to a barrage of questions and unsolicited advice about the supposed medical necessity of meat and alcohol. Apparently, I’m not just denying my lifestyle choices but also my nutritional needs, with friends stressing my protein and iron levels—or lack thereof—while warning me about high blood pressure from avoiding red wine.
This double life has been my reality for 15 years; the shame and awkwardness of being a sober vegetarian is a burden many others like me understand. I’ve realized that it’s time to stop pretending and confront the expectations of the predominantly meat-eating, alcohol-drinking society.
To the waitstaff I’ve inadvertently wronged by claiming “no meat” while still receiving the opposite, I’m sorry. To my friends and family who think side salads equal vegetarian options, I forgive you. I release the guilt I’ve held for secretly incorporating tofu into meals for my significant others in hopes of winning them over.
Neighbors, I apologize for the times you’ve been misled by the scents of my grilled eggplant and veggie burgers disguised as chicken or beef. And to everyone who has attended my Super Bowl parties, don’t hold it against me for enjoying your nonalcoholic drinks while feasting on meatless wings. Lastly, to my good friends whom I’ve entertained with strong drinks (just for laughs), I hope you can forgive the hangovers and awkward photos I’ve publicly shared.
Fifteen years is a long time to live in secrecy. I know that the awkwardness my friends and family feel around me won’t disappear overnight, but I’m hopeful that with their support, I can confidently say, “I’m Lila, and I’m a sober vegetarian, and that’s perfectly okay.”
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Summary
In this candid reflection, Lila Jensen shares her journey as a sober vegetarian, revealing the challenges and misunderstandings she faces in social settings. She discusses the importance of honesty and the support of friends and family, embracing her lifestyle choices without shame. Ultimately, she encourages others to acknowledge their truths, no matter how awkward it may be.
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