When my eldest child, Mia, was just 7 years old, I took her and my friend Jamie’s daughter, Lily, to a concert. While both girls were the same age, Mia was considerably shorter. Jamie had recently removed the back of Lily’s booster seat, which meant she could see everything, while Mia was still in her full booster. Unbeknownst to me, this seemingly trivial detail would spark an emotional cataclysm. Within minutes, we went from casual chatter about the show to Mia sobbing, “YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT’S LIKE TO BE THE SHORTEST KID IN THE CAR!!!” Ah, good times. Truly, it was the end of the world.
Children often experience these dramatic moments, and I’m not just referring to toddler tantrums. I’m talking about the emotional upheaval that can hit kids who, by all accounts, should be past these outbursts—those times when they can’t find a beloved toy, or when their favorite cereal runs out. It can feel like the universe is conspiring to test our sanity. The reality is, older kids can throw fits that look strikingly similar to their younger counterparts.
The upside? By the time they’ve outgrown toddlerhood, their meltdowns generally occur behind closed doors. However, this means parents often feel isolated, thinking their child is the only one having these epic emotional breakdowns. I have fantastic friends with wonderful kids, and they’ve confided that their little ones occasionally go off the deep end over minor issues—crying, wailing, you name it.
As a parent, I’ve explored a multitude of strategies for handling these mini-crises. Compassion is often a good approach, but it doesn’t always lead to calm. For some kids, using logic might seem effective, but given the irrational nature of these outbursts, that often fails too. Punishment is an option, but I’ve never felt comfortable penalizing a child for expressing emotions.
The real concern lies not in a child’s disappointment over a dropped ice cream cone but in how disproportionately they react to it. To help manage these emotional explosions, we devised a Disaster Scale to help our kids assess the severity of their situations. A minor disappointment—like dad breaking their bananas into pieces instead of slicing them—might rate a 1. Conversely, a significant tragedy—such as losing a beloved pet—could rate a 10. We assigned numbers in between based on the relative gravity of the situation.
Mia and Lily helped brainstorm examples for each level to give them a better perspective. Here’s a sneak peek:
- Dad breaks your bananas into pieces instead of slicing them.
- Your favorite macaroni noodles are gone.
- You can’t locate your favorite shirt.
- You can’t find your beloved toy.
- Someone tears your cherished baby blanket.
- You stub your toe hard.
- You crash your bike.
- You crash your bike and injure your leg.
- Your pet passes away.
- A natural disaster destroys your home, resulting in family loss.
While this scale isn’t exhaustive and some entries may be too intense for certain children, it provides a useful reference point. Kids can often grasp that reacting with extreme emotion over a missing bowl of mac and cheese might be a bit over the top when compared to real tragedies.
When my kids go off the rails, I sometimes remind them, “You’re having a 9 reaction to something that’s maybe a 2 on the Disaster Scale. Let’s dial it back a bit.” While this doesn’t always resolve the situation entirely, it often helps them recognize the disproportionate nature of their response and take a moment to breathe.
Feel free to give it a try. You might just find a little sanity amidst the chaos of parenting—and who knows, you might even save the world.
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In summary, kids can exhibit extreme reactions to seemingly minor disappointments. By implementing a Disaster Scale, parents can help their children gauge the severity of their situations and respond more appropriately.
Keyphrase: Child’s Emotional Disaster Scale
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