I could easily have been seen as a helicopter parent when my eldest son, diagnosed with Asperger’s at just 3 years old, was navigating the complexities of middle school. Eight years ago, I tried to rally kids from the neighborhood to walk or bike to school together. I noticed that while other parents seemed less concerned about arranging such plans, my son struggled to make connections. He wanted to join in but didn’t quite know how to reach out.
“Could the boys ride together to school?” I asked a fellow parent.
“I’m not sure what they’ve decided,” she replied.
“How about we give it a shot for the first few days?” I suggested.
“I’ll check,” she said.
After three days, my son found himself on his own. He couldn’t keep pace, and his friends were not inclined to slow down. It just didn’t work out.
Fast forward to today: my youngest son is starting middle school, and he’s already making plans with his friends. I’m not preoccupied with which of his peers might need a little extra support. I recognize that the kids and parents from eight years ago weren’t unkind; they simply had different social dynamics at play. However, it would have meant the world to me if they had considered ways to include my son.
Having unique needs can feel isolating, especially when surrounded by peers who don’t share those challenges. I found myself more involved than most parents, asking about after-school plans well before the school year began, hosting get-togethers to ensure my son had a friend to engage with, and creating a welcoming environment filled with fun activities and ice cream to make my home a social hub. This level of involvement can be overwhelming for parents who aren’t accustomed to the nuances of supporting a child with extra needs.
Please remember, my outreach isn’t about micromanaging my child’s social life. Eight years ago, I was teaching my son the very basics of making plans because he needed assistance navigating these social waters, while other children were venturing out with less parental involvement.
I understand it’s not your responsibility to look after my child, but I ask you to imagine what it would be like if your own child faced social challenges. Consider how a simple gesture of inclusion from another parent or child could make all the difference between feeling welcomed and feeling isolated. Here are some suggestions for how you can help:
- Inquire about needs. When my eldest son was in middle school, a family invited him to a birthday party at a bustling venue. They kindly asked us how to make it comfortable for him, which made us feel valued and respected.
- Consider trial runs. Sometimes, parents hesitate to make long-term commitments. Instead, how about trying out a plan for a week and seeing how it works for everyone involved?
- Empower kids to foster community. Let children choose how they want to include everyone in their activities. Building an inclusive community should be a priority, but kids can have a say in how they participate in that process.
- Assume the best intentions. If you find my behavior puzzling, please consider that it stems from a place of genuine concern. Kids on the autism spectrum often face challenges with transitions. I’ve engaged in various preparations with my son—touring schools, meeting teachers, and establishing go-to people to help ease his anxieties. While it may seem excessive, this preparation is key to ensuring he can thrive in a typical school setting.
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In summary, navigating social situations with a child who has unique needs requires more involvement and understanding. By fostering an inclusive community and being open to communication, we can create a supportive environment for all children to thrive.
Keyphrase: Parenting children with autism
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