Stay-at-home dads often face some rather curious remarks. Why is that? For many, the concept of a man taking on full-time parenting is still somewhat foreign. Despite an increase in dads embracing this role, we often clash with traditional gender norms. The comments we hear can range from well-meaning to downright offensive. Whether at the park, grocery store, or pediatrician’s office, people feel compelled to weigh in. While many, especially women, commend our role, there are still plenty who question our choices.
To assist my fellow dads in navigating these conversations, here are eight things you should avoid saying to a stay-at-home dad. This list is just the tip of the iceberg.
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“Does your partner call the shots?”
Choosing to be a stay-at-home dad doesn’t mean I’ve relinquished my role in the family dynamic. My partner and I share responsibilities equally. To be honest, I often find myself in my pajamas, hanging out with my little one until noon. If that leads some to believe my partner is the one in charge, I’m perfectly fine with that because, in my house, she literally wears the pants. -
“Did you get laid off?”
It can be hard for some to imagine a man voluntarily stepping into the stay-at-home role. The assumption that I must have lost a job or been incapable in a workplace setting is misguided. Let’s remember, masculinity isn’t defined by a paycheck. Stay-at-home dads are still men, regardless of employment status. It’s not fair to think we are somehow less capable. -
“Are you making a statement about gender roles?”
Nope! I’m simply doing what’s best for my family. My partner may be an amazing mom, but my temperament suits being at home. I embrace the chaotic yet rewarding lifestyle of a stay-at-home dad. From dodging toys to managing snack time, it’s a wild ride, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. -
“When are you going back to work?”
Really? Have you spent a day with a toddler? If you’re asking this, I’m guessing you haven’t. Taking care of small children is beyond exhausting and doesn’t come with a paycheck. If they skip their nap, you might as well prepare for a hurricane. -
“Is it strange letting your partner be the main earner?”
Let’s be clear: it’s the 21st century, not the 1950s. If you’re uncomfortable with a woman earning more, that’s your issue, not mine. True masculinity is about doing what’s best for the family, not what society expects. -
“Are you just babysitting?”
This question is infuriating. You wouldn’t ask a woman that, so why ask me? I’m actively parenting my child, which is a fundamental responsibility of any father. Babysitting is for teenagers looking to earn some pocket money—not for dedicated dads. -
“Are you Mr. Mom?”
No, I’m not! That title was amusing two decades ago, but it doesn’t fit anymore. I’m a father, not someone trying to step into a stereotype. I don’t need to change who I am to be involved in my child’s life. -
“You must have tons of free time, right?”
Sure, I might catch an hour of TV with my toddler, but it’s mostly shows like Daniel Tiger and Sesame Street. During my child’s first year, any free time I had was during nap time, which I usually spent trying to recover from the chaos of the morning!
Next time someone asks me about my role as a stay-at-home dad, I might just say, “I hit the jackpot and retired early!”
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In summary, while stay-at-home dads face their fair share of stereotypes and misconceptions, it’s crucial to recognize and respect the choices we make for our families.
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