Every time I wrap up a workout, I look like I’ve just emerged from a sauna, with a crimson face and a racing heart. My thighs are hollering like an overzealous street performer, and my entire body feels like jelly. Yet, there’s a glorious high that washes over me, making me wonder why I don’t do this more often. It’s the surge of endorphins—like a swarm of cheerful bees buzzing through my veins. Still, somehow I manage to dodge exercise like it’s a restaurant run by Guy Fieri.
My mind, a master of excuse-making, conjures up reasons to skip the gym faster than I can lace up my sneakers. Here are my top five reasons for not exercising right now:
- I’ve Already Showered.
Just getting the chance to shower without interruptions is a monumental feat in itself. The idea of squeezing in another shower on the same day? Absolutely ludicrous! You won’t find a record for the “Mom Who Showered Twice in One Day” in any record book. Trust me, being doused by the garden hose doesn’t count. - My Period Is Imminent.
Oh, fantastic—there’s that telltale cramp. My monthly visitor is just around the corner, and I’m convinced I read somewhere that exercising during this time can lead to weight gain. Even though my cycle isn’t due for another week, I’m certain that twinge is my body’s way of preparing for battle. It’s best to postpone until this chaos blows over. - The Weather Is Nasty.
Running is my go-to workout, and thankfully, it’s mostly free (aside from the price of good shoes). But if it’s raining, I’m not going anywhere. I prefer to channel my inner caveman, but when the weather turns, I’m left feeling like a drenched cat. The last thing I want is to be weighed down by soaked clothes, slipping and sliding through puddles. Nobody wants trench foot, right? I’ve seen enough documentaries to know it doesn’t end well. - My Gut Is Unreliable.
When my stomach starts rumbling ominously, I can’t help but worry that the moment I stray too far from home, my body will demand a pit stop. I can hold my bladder like a champ, but my digestive system? That’s a whole different story. It has a mind of its own and tends to make its presence known at the most inconvenient times. - My Child Is Clingy.
You know those heartwarming videos of moms doing yoga with their kids? Yeah, that’s not happening in my house. The moment I hit the floor, my little one is right there, demanding attention, pulling my hair, and asking a million questions about why I’m not cooking her a snack. Children and workouts simply do not coexist in my world. I need peace to get through those tough sets, preferably with plenty of colorful language to keep me motivated.
So, if you’re feeling the pressure from those annoyingly fit friends, feel free to borrow any of my perfectly valid excuses. Or, come hang out with me instead. The only heavy lifting we do here involves transferring chips to our mouths—repeat until satisfied (and maybe slightly sweaty).
For more on parenting and related topics, check out our post on the At-Home Insemination Kit or dive into the world of artificial insemination for some helpful insights.
Summary
Exercise may bring a rush of endorphins, but for many moms, the reasons to avoid it are plentiful. From shower logistics to impending periods, the weather, gut issues, and clingy kids, there’s always something standing in the way. While it’s important to stay active, sometimes the best workout is simply navigating the chaos of motherhood.
Keyphrase: exercise excuses
Tags: [“home insemination kit”, “home insemination syringe”, “self insemination”]