I consider myself a structured parent, a realization that honestly took me by surprise. Before becoming a mom, I was pretty laid-back and adaptable. I enjoyed spontaneous adventures and was easygoing about most things. But after having children, I found myself embracing a much more rigid approach.
From the moment my first child arrived, we implemented a schedule when he was just two weeks old—thanks to a book that promised sleep solutions. In those chaotic and sleep-deprived early days, I was ready to try anything. You could have suggested I perform a circus act, and I would have agreed if it meant a moment of peace.
To be fair, we didn’t adhere strictly to the schedule—it was more of a guideline that we often strayed from. He woke at 6:15 a.m. instead of 7? That meant shifting nap times by ten minutes here and there, all to ensure a 7 p.m. bedtime! Looking back, it was somewhat comedic and a bit maddening. We struggled to keep him awake when he was ready for sleep and vice versa, yet we persisted daily. The Schedule became our constant topic of discussion. As my friend Jenna, a pediatrician, observed, “These routines mainly give parents something to focus on while their child naturally develops their sleep patterns.” However, since our son was a fantastic sleeper from an early age—perhaps due to the book, perhaps not—we attributed all our success to The Schedule.
Convinced of its effectiveness, we became devoted to the idea of strict nap and bedtime routines. While I eventually learned to relax about timing, I remained adamant that both my sons napped in their cribs at approximately the right times. I avoided scheduling anything during midday or arranged for a babysitter if necessary. Bedtime was set at 7 p.m., give or take thirty minutes, always at home, and absolutely no exceptions.
Traveling with our kids has also become a rigid affair. Both of them seem to have a knack for car sickness, which means we must carefully consider the fun of a trip against the inevitable mess of cleaning up after two sick little ones. We also factor in hotel costs and the sleepless nights that often accompany them. Our youngest has a habit of waking up screaming in the middle of the night, sending us into a panic. As a result, we frequently conclude that a trip simply isn’t worth it.
We often face criticism from friends and family for our choices. We decline invitations to 6 p.m. gatherings because that’s when we’re in the thick of our dinner, bath, and bedtime routine. Our travel plans revolve around sleep schedules, even if it means missing out on events or arriving late. We take infrequent trips, despite having family eager to see us more often. When we do venture out, we usually choose a destination and stay put for as long as possible, effectively creating a second home to maintain our routines without disruption.
I’ll admit, this situation can be frustrating. Writing about it makes me feel not only rigid but also a bit dull. I used to thrive on travel. Weekend getaways to Europe or spontaneous road trips were my jam. But life is about choices, and right now, I prioritize well-rested children and consistency. Spontaneity and adventure are not in the cards for us at this moment.
Yet, I hold onto hope for the future. A close friend with older kids reassures me that freedom and flexibility are just around the corner. “You’ll be able to travel when they’re past the nap-stroller-diaper stage,” she says. “You can make last-minute plans without feeling like you’re trying to turn a massive truck around on a narrow road.”
So I’m eagerly waiting for that time when I can loosen the reins and rediscover a bit of my adventurous spirit. Paris with a 5-year-old and an 8-year-old? Absolutely, especially if I can snag a last-minute deal.
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In summary, while I may come across as a strict parent who has traded adventure for structure, I know that this is a temporary phase. With patience, I look forward to the day when spontaneity returns to my life.
Keyphrase: Parenting with Structure
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