Menu: Parenting
By Clara Jensen
Published: Sept. 19, 2021
As a hopeful adoptive mother, I fully expected to fall deeply in love with the child I would be fortunate enough to welcome into my life. With this certainty, I embarked on the journey of domestic adoption, blissfully convinced that there was no distinction between being a mother through adoption and through biology. Now, six years later, I’ve come to realize that my initial belief was misguided.
Not in the way I love my daughter—she is my heart and soul. Rather, I underestimated how significantly adoption would shape both her life and my parenting experience. From the very beginning, as I navigated my way through my daughter’s adoption narrative, I recognized that incorporating adoption into our daily lives would be one of my most important responsibilities.
Key Lessons Learned Along the Way
- Discuss Adoption Early and Often: Start talking about adoption as soon as you can. Even if your child is a newborn, it’s beneficial to weave these conversations into your daily life (age-appropriate, of course). I actively mention my daughter’s birth mother, siblings, and extended family members like Grandma and Grandpa in our discussions. It’s my job to create an atmosphere of openness around her adoption and her birth family.
- Become an Advocate for Adoption: Prepare yourself for the curious comments that people tend to make regarding adoptees and birth mothers. It’s no wonder, given the often inaccurate portrayals in media. As my child’s primary advocate, I strive to ensure she can confidently express, “My birth mom didn’t give me up; she loves me very much.”
- Let Go of the Term “Real”: You’ll often hear questions like, “Where is her real mom?” Remember, most people aren’t trying to be offensive; they simply don’t understand. I gently correct them by saying, “I believe you mean her birth mom?” When my daughter recently said, “You’re not my real mom,” I replied, “Of course I am! I care for you every day, and Kim is real too because she carried you and brought you into this world. You have two real moms, and that’s pretty amazing!” She shrugged and replied, “Yeah.” Don’t allow your emotional triggers to interfere with your parenting; be aware of what bothers you and work through it.
- Connect with Other Adoptive Families: Finding and bonding with other families who have adopted is both empowering and enjoyable. I also make it a point to highlight diverse family structures to my daughter, whether they are single-parent families or those with two moms or dads. I often say, “Look at how that family operates. Every family is unique.”
- Cultivate the Birth Family Relationship: Since we share a daughter, her birth family is part of my family too. Just like any other important relationships in my life, it’s my responsibility to nurture this connection. I do this by speaking kindly about them to my daughter, displaying their photos alongside ours, maintaining communication through social media and phone calls, and planning visits each year.
After six years of being an adoptive mom, I’ve gained insight into the nuances of this experience. I’m sure I’ll continue to learn even more as time goes on. If you’re interested in enhancing your fertility journey, you might want to check out some helpful resources, including fertility supplements and the impregnator at home insemination kit. For further reading, WebMD offers excellent information about IUI success.
Summary
In the journey of adoption, I’ve learned the importance of early discussions, advocacy, and nurturing relationships with both my child’s birth family and the wider community. Embracing the complexities of adoption has made my parenting experience richer and more fulfilling, reminding me that love knows no boundaries.
Keyphrase: Adoption Insights
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