When I welcomed my daughter a year ago, my partner dutifully announced the joyous news: “She weighed this much, measured that long, and yes, ‘Mom and baby are doing fine.’” This phrase, a common refrain that accompanies every new arrival, struck me as utterly absurd at that moment.
Fine? Really?
There was nothing “fine” about it. I had a difficult labor. The epidural was ineffective. My partner accidentally jabbed my already sore hand with the IV line. It felt like the nurse was still learning the ropes. And after all that, every stitch I received was a reminder of the struggle.
Now, my precious little girl was out in the world, clearly distressed by the ordeal too. I couldn’t blame her. Our first family photos capture two disheveled beings, both bewildered and unprepared for the challenges ahead. We hardly looked “fine.”
Lying in bed, hearing my baby cry while I couldn’t reach her, I felt a surge of anger. Surely we weren’t the first mother-and-baby duo to be inaccurately labeled as “fine.” How many women have been given the same label, masking their needs after the intensity of childbirth? A little sleep, perhaps some physical therapy, or even a meal from the hospital cafeteria that didn’t close at 6 p.m.? I wagered most women could relate. And I couldn’t help but question if this so-called “baby-friendly” hospital was truly doing right by my little one, stuck in a plastic crib while her two clueless caregivers fumbled around, trying to figure out how to make her feel secure.
There was no way she would have signed off on the “fine” label either.
It was absurd to me that two individuals who had just endured such a monumental experience could be deemed something as trivial as “fine.” This sentiment only echoed what I had grown disillusioned by throughout my pregnancy: unless you were in dire straits—like losing a limb or holding hostages—you were deemed “fine.” Push aside the pain, ignore the anxiety, simply take your vitamins, fret over the rules, schedule your next doctor’s visit, and carry on. Heaven forbid you express anything other than bliss during those 40 weeks, as you were “fine” and many women would give anything to claim the same. Just smile and let anyone who approaches you rub your belly.
I reflected on how “lucky” I was to have navigated such a “fine” pregnancy. Setting aside the discomfort, sense of helplessness, and the looming dread of endless sleep deprivation, I began to reevaluate. Yes, it was a stressful pregnancy, but that was behind us. Yes, the birthing experience was harrowing, but we had made it through. Yet still, we were far from “fine.” In fact, we were nothing short of extraordinary. That little bundle of joy? The most beautiful baby in existence. And I had done that. Mostly on my own.
Would anyone call an Ironman finisher “fine”? Nope, she’s remarkable. Were the warriors who survived the arena labeled as “fine”? Certainly not, they were heroes. When Michelangelo stepped down from painting the Sistine Chapel, did anyone refer to his masterpiece as “fine”? Of course not; he was a genius. Did Joseph announce to the shepherds and angels that Mary and Jesus were doing “fine”? Well, he probably did. Men.
My newborn daughter and I were on top of the world—even if neither of us could walk or effectively express our needs. We didn’t know what lay ahead, but we felt great. We knew a few fundamental truths that mattered most: we were loved, we were alive, and we had each other.
Mom and baby aren’t “fine.” Stop using that term. Better yet, stop believing it. It has never been accurate for anyone. Mom and baby are miraculous, resilient beings; they have triumphed through the trials of birth and are more than ready to face whatever comes next. Together, they can take on the world—just as soon as mom can get out of bed by herself.
For those interested in exploring more about home insemination, check out Cryobaby’s at-home insemination kit or visit BabyMaker’s at-home insemination kit, both excellent resources. For detailed information about pregnancy and insemination, Mayo Clinic offers valuable insights.
In summary, the experience of motherhood and childbirth is anything but “fine.” It is a transformative journey that deserves recognition and respect.
Keyphrase: “Mom and baby are not fine”
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