“Brilliant minds, kiddo.” I find myself saying this often to my children when we share similar thoughts. I’ll throw out, “If I had a dollar…” and leave it hanging. When I’m feeling particularly out of touch, I might add, “If I had a nickel…” but I doubt my kids grasp that the shiny coins they leave scattered around are actual currency. They seem to prefer the feel of paper money anyway, so I steer clear of any references to coins.
I never complete these phrases because I understand their meaning. But do my kids find them perplexing? It’s quite possible. Will they dissect these half-finished sayings in college, pondering their significance? “Brilliant minds…are superior to average minds? Brilliant minds…exist in fully formed heads? WHAT COULD THE END OF THAT WISE PHRASE POSSIBLY BE!?” Of course, they likely won’t need to. They have Google at their fingertips. What I’m inadvertently teaching them is that their mother is an enigmatic speaker, and they can always consult the omniscient Internet.
I don’t really use these phrases for their benefit; I’m using them for myself. Like any other adult, I rely on certain verbal habits instead of crafting thoughtful responses. For instance, “Kool and the Gang” means “yes, that’s good,” while “Ground Control to Major Tom” serves as my way to say “pay attention.” And when I say, “chill, biscuit,” what I really mean is, “stop freaking out.”
It must sound like a foreign language to them. Kool and the Gang? They’ll only hear that at weddings.
Another classic I toss around is, “It’s your funeral.” I like to paint a vivid picture when critiquing their decisions. They need to know that I equate leaving the house without a jacket to a death sentence. “You don’t have to wear a coat to the bus stop, kid. Hey, it’s your funeral.”
It seems that just as children adopt new slang to connect with their peers and keep their parents guessing, parents adopt expressions that confuse and distance their kids.
I’m still puzzled by “gotta see a man about a horse,” a phrase my father introduced to me back in the ‘80s. Was he looking for a euphemism for using the restroom, or did he just want to be quirky?
I take a certain pleasure in keeping my kids in the dark with my cryptic language. It’s one of the few perks of parenthood. It’s a strategy akin to saying “maybe” or “we’ll see.” Do adults use these sayings because we want our kids to think we possess all the answers? Children expect us to provide wisdom, guidance, and assistance with tricky food packaging. Little do they know, we sometimes can’t even open a stubborn jelly jar. But saying, “this thing is tighter than a duck’s backside, and that’s waterproof!” makes us seem knowledgeable about duck anatomy, right?
Reflecting on the immense responsibilities of adulthood and parenting, from taxes to remembering to enroll tiny humans in soccer, can be overwhelming. The other day, we ate half a ham sandwich before realizing the bread was moldy. If we can’t manage a loaf of bread, what hope do we have in raising kids? Perhaps our cryptic phrases are a way of maintaining a facade of competence, convincing our children that we have it all figured out. Someday, they’ll grow up and realize we’re just winging it, too.
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Summary
Parents often use cryptic expressions to communicate with their children, both confusing and amusing them in the process. These sayings serve as a coping mechanism, allowing adults to maintain an air of wisdom while navigating the challenges of parenthood. Children, equipped with modern technology, will eventually uncover the truth about their parents’ enigmatic language.
Keyphrase: cryptic expressions parents use
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