The last time I spoke with my dad, it was a fluke—he accidentally dialed my number while waiting for a ride at a bus stop in Texas. I remember sharing stories about my new job and asking if he might swing by to visit us on his way home. His reply, “Not this time,” echoed with a bittersweet tone that still resonates with me.
Three days into my new role, I received a shocking call from my aunt. “Are you sitting down?” she asked. “Your dad’s suffered a significant stroke. They’re trying everything, but it doesn’t look good. I’m so sorry.” In mere moments, my entire world crumbled.
The following days blended together in a haze. I chose not to fly out to see him; I didn’t want my lasting memories to be of him in a fragile state. In my typical fashion, I turned to writing to process my emotions. I called his hospital room, and my uncle held the phone to my dad’s ear as I poured my heart out in a letter. He passed away just five minutes after our conversation.
Now, almost three years later, I find myself in a space where I can reflect on this experience without being overwhelmed. I feel as though I’ve matured significantly during this period, shaped by profound lessons about love, life, and sorrow.
Grief is a Lifelong Journey.
Grief is relentless—it crashes into you like a freight train, leaving you breathless. It can immobilize you or drive you to retreat into your bed indefinitely. While this force is immeasurable, it’s one of the most potent realities I’ve encountered.
Though grief never fully disappears, it does transform. Nowadays, I find myself smiling more when memories of him resurface, though there are still days when I need to step back and allow myself to break down. The ache of missing him remains, and some days it’s easier to articulate than others.
Laughter is Therapeutic.
The sadness following the loss of someone dear is overwhelming. I often worried it would consume me entirely. I once asked my partner if I would ever find joy again. It became crucial for me to intentionally seek out moments of happiness. My daughter was a beacon of light during this time; not only did I need to be strong for her, but her laughter was infectious. Gradually, I found myself laughing more, and the pieces of my heart began to mend.
Avoid the “What Ifs.”
Don’t let yourself be shackled by endless hypotheticals. Dwelling on what could have been is a cruel game with no winners. We cannot rewrite the past; instead, we must learn from it. This often involves forgiving others and, more importantly, ourselves. Let go of resentment; it’s a nasty companion that only weighs you down.
Appreciate Life’s Moments.
None of us are promised tomorrow. Don’t waste your time fretting about the future; instead, savor the present. We have only one shot at this wild ride, so embrace it fully. Hug your loved ones tightly and express how much they mean to you. Live with gratitude and an open heart. You are alive—make it count.
Rebuilding after a loss is a formidable challenge, requiring resilience and courage, but above all, it demands time. Remember to cherish the moments you had with your loved one and the richness that love brings. Love may change form, but it never truly vanishes; it evolves into something deeper than our physical presence.
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In summary, losing a parent is an indescribable journey filled with valuable lessons about grief, love, and the importance of cherishing every moment. Embrace laughter, allow yourself to heal, and remember to appreciate the love that remains.
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