August 31, 2023
There’s nothing quite like being 3,000 miles away from home, feeling frazzled and jet-lagged, while managing two energetic children to make you question your parenting skills. This has been my reality during the past week as I’ve been “vacationing” in California with my kids, reconnecting with friends and family. My two-year-old has taken almost a week to adjust to the new time zone, resulting in mornings and evenings filled with whiny outbursts. He’s constantly asking when we’ll return home (I’m wondering the same thing!). Meanwhile, my picky eight-year-old has subsisted solely on cereal and chips.
Every morning, as we head down to the hotel breakfast, the children engage in a symphony of arguments. They bicker with each other: “Stop touching me! Stop sitting in my chair! Stop saying my name!” They argue with us: “But you promised we could have chocolate for breakfast!” And they debate about the food: my eight-year-old insists that California milk tastes completely different from New York’s, while my two-year-old thinks the pancakes aren’t round enough.
And they’re loud. Exasperatingly loud. Their high-pitched voices echo as they stand on chairs, crawl under tables, and construct elaborate fortresses out of toast and waffles. One child has strawberry jam smeared across his face, while the other has his hand down his pants. Heads turn, and a woman at a nearby table shoots us a glare. It’s clear that we’re anything but civilized.
We attempt to shush them, and they heed us just a little. Yes, we escort them out of the room when their antics become too much, but there’s no denying that they’re acting wild.
In my earlier days as a mother, the glares from onlookers would have hit me hard. I would have inwardly chastised myself, questioning my right to call myself a mother. My thoughts would spiral: Why are my kids the loudest in the room? Look at that family across the way, quietly cutting their waffles into perfect squares. That baby even opens his mouth obediently for green mush! Why can’t my children follow simple rules?
Other parents seem to have it all figured out, armed with discipline books and sticker charts. Stickers! That’s the answer, right?
During this vacation, I have certainly felt the weight of those judgments, navigating public spaces with my cranky kids. It feels as though my parenting is on display—not just in the hotel dining area, but also in front of relatives and friends I haven’t seen in ages and whose opinions I value.
Feeling self-conscious about your kids’ behavior is akin to reliving middle school. Your cheeks flush, your heart races, and you want to escape to a bathroom stall. But you can’t run away. You’re the one in charge, with no option to hand off the responsibility.
However, there’s one comforting thought I’ve learned to embrace: I’m not alone. And neither are you.
I often find myself disliking the phrase “you’re not alone” when parents are struggling. In those chaotic moments, you feel utterly isolated. But deep down, we know that every parent experiences days when they feel lost—especially in unfamiliar settings that heighten our stress.
So, to all the parents out there managing their boisterous kids:
Your children are not the only ones who cry in public, even when you’ve done your best to ensure they’re well-rested for outings. Your kids aren’t the only ones who seem oblivious to the concepts of cleanliness and decorum. You’re not the only ones whose children take “spirited” to a whole new level—dancing on tables, belting out songs, or imploring for candy at the crack of dawn.
You’re not alone in feeling bewildered by your parenting journey. The truth is, what the public witnesses is merely a snapshot of your life—an amplified moment when emotions run high. More people need to recognize this and stop judging parents based on a few minutes of their lives.
Remember, your kids are amazing, even when they’re being wild. It’s completely normal for children to struggle with transitions, to squabble with siblings, and to make messes. Kids often test boundaries as a sign of their love and trust. The loudest, most energetic kids are frequently the most creative and intelligent ones, surprising you with new skills or imaginative adventures when you least expect it.
You’re not alone in feeling overwhelmed. At the very moment you think you’re failing, someone else out there is feeling the exact same way. It might just be me.
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Summary:
In the chaos of parenting, especially during stressful moments away from home, it’s easy to feel alone and overwhelmed. But remember that other parents share similar struggles. Children can be loud, wild, and messy, yet these behaviors are normal and part of their development. Embrace the challenges and know that you are not alone in this journey.
Keyphrase: parenting challenges
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