Parenting
When You Need a Breather from Wifely and Maternal Duties
by Jenna Miles
Aug. 30, 2015
There stood Sarah, 300 miles away from her home, where she had left her husband and two teenage children for the night. “I’m exhausted from being a wife,” she confessed over our first glass of pinot grigio as the music started to play. “I’m drained from being a mother. I just need a break!” I completely understood her sentiment.
Back when my husband was still around, we used to joke that my favorite evenings were when he took our daughter out for a “Daddy-Daughter Date Night.” Don’t even get me started on those glorious “Daddy-Daughter Weekends.” The freedom those nights brought was priceless! I would have no plans whatsoever, snuggling up in bed without a thought about dinner. It could be a salad, some cheese and crackers, or even just a handful of chocolate chips. It simply didn’t matter. All that mattered was me, and I craved that time. I would lose myself in the latest episodes of my favorite reality shows, indulging in chocolate with no need to share the remote or the bed. Absolute bliss!
However, after becoming a widow, my solitary nights have transformed from a luxury into a source of boredom and loneliness. I’ve heard countless conversations from friends lamenting about their spouses being away for a night, a few days, or even longer. They express resentment about managing everything alone: the house, the kids, the meals. But for them, it’s temporary. My husband won’t be returning, which makes it hard for me to join in those discussions.
Sarah felt relieved that her husband was spending the weekend with their kids. “They all need this,” she said. “He needs to be more involved, and they need to bond with their dad.” I could relate deeply to her feelings.
In my marriage, we had a division of responsibilities: I took care of our child and the home—meals, doctor visits, school. My husband, Tom, managed the pets and the yard—vet visits, watering the plants, and pool maintenance. He was an engaged and loving father, but there were times I felt like a single mom, overwhelmed with everything while he simply walked the dogs.
I realize now how mistaken I was. Tom’s mere presence was invaluable. Yes, I cooked, but he handled the dishes. I did the laundry, but he folded it. If our daughter had a tough day, he was the one to comfort her. And without fail, he took her to school every morning and tucked her into bed every night, even when she was too old for it.
Having spent nearly two decades together, I understand that every marriage experiences highs and lows. We navigated those phases by prioritizing love, trust, and respect, even during times of impatience and feeling unappreciated. We granted each other plenty of space, as both of us needed it. If Tom were here today, I’d likely be rallying the “Girls’ Night Out” group while he cheered me on.
Now, I don’t feel that same urgent need to escape. When I find myself with some rare free time, I prefer to share it with my boyfriend, Alex. Our relationship is still relatively new, and while I hate to be cynical, I can foresee a day far in the future when I might choose to skip a few of his gigs. Perhaps I’ll even encourage Alex to visit his son for a night without me so that I can catch up on my guilty pleasure TV shows. Maybe I’ll take a road trip up the coast with a friend, just because she asks.
It’s hard to imagine such things now, given how captivated we are with each other. However, I do understand that strong relationships require space, and loving couples benefit from time apart—just as Sarah poured herself another glass of pinot before heading to the dance floor.
This piece was originally published on The Huffington Post. For more insights into enhancing family life, check out this blog post.
In summary, feeling overwhelmed as a wife and mother is common, and it’s essential to recognize the need for personal space. Embracing moments of solitude can be rejuvenating, whether through time with friends or simply enjoying some well-deserved “me time.”
Keyphrase: Tired of Being a Wife and Mother
Tags: [“home insemination kit” “home insemination syringe” “self insemination”]