Should I Separate My Twins? Navigating the Decision of Educating Multiple Multiples

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Welcome to the second entry in our series on twins. If you missed it, be sure to check out part one, “Seeing Double: How the Rise of Twins Affects Pregnancy and Birth.”

When I found out I was having twins, I was completely unprepared—who really is? While I was dealing with the challenges of carrying around 13 pounds of baby and using a walker to support my swollen body, the thought of whether to separate them when they started school didn’t even cross my mind. Now that my little ones are gearing up for preschool this fall, the idea of how they’ll be placed in school is at the forefront of my concerns.

Like many of you, I had a few twins in my school days, but it was usually just one set. Now, if you have kids under 18, you’ve probably noticed that twins are everywhere. And you’re not wrong! Since 1980, the birth rate of twins has surged by 76 percent, meaning that currently, 33 out of every 1,000 births are twins. This increase is evident in schools, where classrooms now frequently host multiple sets of twins. Lynn M. Gordon, a professor in elementary education at California State University–Northridge, points out that one in every 30 children is a twin, meaning that in a typical U.S. classroom of 25 to 30 students, you’re likely to find at least one pair of twins.

My own fraternal toddlers have already attended several pre-preschool trimesters, and almost every class has had at least one other set of twins. As they head to preschool in September, they will be joined by another set of twins, making it one of at least five sets at their school.

Teachers and educational directors have noticed this trend across different types of schools. For example, Jessica Moore, a twin mom and current New York City teacher, recalls only having one set of twins in her Chicago classroom during her seven years there. However, after moving to Brooklyn, she found a different story, often having one or two children from separated twin pairs each year.

Twins typically remain together during nursery and preschool, with educators like Paula Heitman, who runs a nonprofit play space for kids under five, noting that her school had eight sets of twins last year alone. Teachers strive to treat twins as individuals while respecting their unique bond. Eileen Sullivan, a veteran preschool director, emphasizes the importance of fostering individuality among twins while acknowledging their connection. This includes discussing them separately during parent-teacher conferences and ensuring they each have their own mail pouch and class portrait.

But then comes the often-controversial transition to kindergarten. Many schools have blanket policies requiring separation of twins, and only a handful of states empower parents to make this decision. Research shows that in the United States, about 80 to 84 percent of twins are placed separately, a sharp contrast to countries like the UK (31 percent), the Netherlands (19 to 48 percent), and Australia (23 to 60 percent). Gordon’s findings indicate that the further removed someone is from the twins, the more likely they are to advocate for separation—71 percent of principals support it, while only 19 percent of twins themselves agree with this approach.

As a mother, I feel I know my children better than any school administrator possibly could. It’s perplexing that institutional policy could outweigh what I believe is best for my kids. Research suggests that many school leaders and counselors are unaware of studies regarding twin placements, often basing their decisions on personal beliefs or misconceptions about the need for separation. Education experts argue that such biases unfairly disadvantage twins. “Teachers typically welcome two children who are familiar with each other,” explains Eve-Marie Arce, author of Twins and Supertwins: A Handbook for Early Childhood Professionals. “Yet they may decide against allowing twins to be together simply because they are twins.”

So, is separating twins beneficial? The research leans toward “probably not.” Studies indicate no cognitive advantage to separation, and in fact, it may emotionally harm twins who are closely bonded. Gordon notes that siblings in the same classroom fare better socially, as they are often more popular than those who are separated. However, there are instances where separation could be beneficial, such as when twins exhibit disruptive behavior together or differ significantly in academic skills.

Experts like Gordon and Arce firmly believe that the decision to separate twins should rest with the parents. “If you alienate the parent, you aren’t doing that family justice,” Arce points out. Parents know their children best, and a flexible policy that considers family preferences and twin personalities is crucial.

As I contemplate whether my daughters will thrive together or apart, one thing is clear: our family will make this decision, not the school.

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