Embracing the Follower Role: Why It’s Okay If Your Teen Fits In

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Let’s face it: in the teenage world, standing out can feel like a daunting task. I remember my own high school days, when my wardrobe choices were more about blending in than showcasing any unique sense of style. I craved invisibility, thinking that if I could just fly under the radar, I’d somehow achieve social security. Sure, I wanted to be recognized for my talents in drama and music, but when it came to clothes? I was all about conformity. If I looked like every other girl in the hallway, I counted that as a success.

Interestingly, recent findings published in Psychological Science suggest that my instinct to blend in might have been spot on. Researchers from the University of Virginia studied adolescents between the ages of 13 and 17, tracking their friendships and conformity to peer norms. Years later, they followed up with these individuals in their mid-20s, assessing their physical and emotional health. The results revealed that those who had strong friendships and a tendency to conform in their teenage years reported better health as adults. This indicates that, perhaps instinctively, teens recognize the value of social bonds for their overall well-being.

It’s no surprise that teens prioritize their relationships with peers; after all, it’s a crucial period for social development. As Tom Jacobs notes, the intense focus on friendships during adolescence may stem from an inherent understanding that these connections are essential for happiness.

Looking back, I sometimes felt a bit lame for not being more of a standout in school. I was part of a tight-knit group of drama enthusiasts, which was its own subculture with its own set of norms. These findings resonate with another study that pointed out how teenage fans of heavy metal music in the 1980s often grew up to be well-adjusted adults. They found comfort and support in their identity, even if it meant conforming to a specific group.

So, what does this mean for parents? As much as I’d love to encourage my kids to embrace their individuality and disregard the opinions of others, the reality is that we are social creatures. Even as adults, we conform to societal expectations—just try showing up to a formal event in jeans and see how that goes.

The real concern lies in social isolation. Jacobs wisely points out that while adolescence is a time for exploring unique interests, pushing too hard against conformity can inadvertently lead to health issues down the line. So, if my son opts for the same school clothes as his friends or chooses to go with the flow (within ethical boundaries, of course), I’m not going to fret. It’s important for him to forge those strong relationships with his peers, even if it means a shopping trip to his favorite store.

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In summary, it’s perfectly acceptable for your teenager to be a follower rather than a leader. Their inclination to fit in can foster valuable friendships and contribute positively to their health in adulthood. As parents, nurturing these social connections is just as important as encouraging individual expression.

Keyphrase: teenage conformity

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