It was on the day we celebrated your older brother Liam’s 7th birthday that your existence became known to us. Your dad and I had been dreaming of this moment for so long, and the news filled our hearts with joy. From the instant we learned about you, we loved you wholeheartedly and began envisioning our family of six. You were the final piece we didn’t even know we were missing. The day we caught a glimpse of you on the ultrasound, your tiny heart beating steadily, was one of the most magical moments of my life. Seeing you thrive made my heart swell with anticipation of the day I would finally be able to hold you close.
One of the most incredible days was when we shared the news of your impending arrival with your siblings. Your brother Liam and sister Chloe erupted into cheers, jumping up and down with excitement. Chloe was so overwhelmed with happiness that she shed tears! Your sister Mia, while excited, looked a bit bewildered but quickly caught on to the joyful atmosphere. From that day forward, Chloe made it a point to thank God and us every single day for bringing you into our lives. The three of them cherished every moment, kissing my belly and talking to you—it was a beautiful experience. Their love for you eased any anxiety your dad and I had; we knew everything was going to be just perfect!
Listening to your heartbeat with the Doppler became a nightly family ritual. We would gather around, filled with dreams and hopes for you, a love so deep that words fall short. But one night, when we couldn’t detect your heartbeat, panic set in. I spent that night praying for your safety, hoping everything was okay.
The following day, seeing you on the ultrasound screen, devoid of the heartbeat we needed to hear, shattered my heart. It was a moment I never wanted to experience—the realization that I would never hold you, never kiss your little forehead, or witness your first steps. I wouldn’t see your siblings play with you or watch you grow up. It was a devastating blow, and telling your siblings was equally heart-wrenching. Your dad handled it with grace, reassuring them that you would always be part of our family. Although we were heartbroken, we took comfort in knowing you were now our angel in Heaven.
Two days after we received the heartbreaking news, Mother’s Day arrived. It was a bittersweet occasion, knowing it was the last day I would carry you. Though I never got to meet you, you will always hold a special place in my heart. I’m grateful we took family photos that day; they are now my most cherished keepsakes of you, especially the one I keep close to my heart, engraved with your name.
The days that followed were a blur of sadness. Honoring your brief life with a service was incredibly difficult yet a beautiful way to celebrate you. I hope you enjoyed the letters and drawings your siblings sent to heaven with their balloons and a lovely rose placed at your resting place. They talk about you every day, and even during storms, Chloe tells Mia you’re washing your hands up there. They pray for you and hold onto the hope of meeting you one day, and their love has taught me so much since your passing.
The weeks that followed were filled with the darkest moments I have ever faced. The void you left felt insurmountable, and I struggled to find joy in life. It was challenging to care for your siblings or even move forward. However, as time passed, I began to see the silver lining amidst the grief. I was surrounded by a community of love and support from family and friends who stepped in during my darkest moments. Your grandmother selflessly took care of everything while I was lost in sorrow, and friends, especially Laura and Sarah, provided unwavering support and captured memories I hold dear.
Many people reached out, and the kindness from those who understood our pain was comforting. Gifts of flowers, cards, and thoughtful gestures poured in, reminding me that your life, though short, was significant and cherished. It was heartwarming to realize just how many people cared about you and our family.
Though losing you has forever changed me, I am grateful for so many lessons learned from our time together. I cherish the joy on your siblings’ faces when they learned about you and the way your dad and I grew closer through this experience. Your siblings’ resilience and love for their sister they never met continue to inspire me. This journey has taught me to appreciate the small things in life and lean on others for support when needed. It has deepened my faith and reminded me of the unbreakable bond between a mother and her child from the very start. These are gifts I will always carry with me, and I love you endlessly, Emma. I look forward to the day I can hold you again.
Love, Mommy
All images courtesy of mylovelyphotography.com
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Summary
Emma’s story explores the bittersweet journey of anticipation and loss for a mother who learned about her unborn daughter just before a devastating tragedy. The heartfelt reflection captures the love shared among family members and the resilience found in the aftermath of grief, ultimately highlighting the unforgettable bond between a mother and her child.
Keyphrase
Remembering lost children
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