It’s tough to admit, but here we are.
“If someone is bothering you, just ask them politely to stop.”
Ugh, that’s my stomach turning. It’s hard not to feel disappointed in myself for teaching my daughters to be meek when facing difficult situations. I’m inadvertently modeling fear instead of strength.
I’m raising my girls to be timid. Okay, let’s be real—what I mean is spineless and overly accommodating—much like myself. There, that feels more honest. (I’m such a coward; I didn’t even use the stronger terms in the title. Sigh.)
I can talk a big game about being a bold, fearless mom. I strut my supposed confidence like it’s the latest fashion trend. But when it comes to real-life confrontations, my bravery fades. My voice goes quiet in the face of aggression.
With my weak advice, I’m teaching my daughters to be cautious and reserved. I can already picture how this will play out in real life. Cue the dreamy music:
A child is persistently pushing my daughter down a slide. Feeling scared, she hesitates but remembers my words. “Hey, I don’t like being pushed down the slide. Can you please stop?” she says in a sweet tone. But guess what? The other child likely won’t care and might shove her again, leading to a nasty fall.
Great job, me! I’m raising a peacekeeper who might become a victim. Clearly, maintaining politeness in public is more important than ensuring my child’s safety and confidence.
Like many women, I’ve been conditioned to be polite, even in situations where I should stand my ground. I find myself being courteous when I’m treated unfairly and even when I feel threatened. My instinct is to shrink back in the face of blatant disrespect.
I know I shouldn’t tolerate such behavior. Yet, fear holds me back—fear of losing my job, friendships, or even the respect of my family. I worry about being labeled as “difficult” or “emotional.”
When someone is rude to me, I tend to retreat, acting like a coward instead of confronting the issue. The worst part? I’m passing that fear onto my kids, and I can’t stand it. I want to change.
Sure, I’ve stood my ground when it comes to minor issues, like when a barista overcharged me for coffee. But what about that time when a man cornered me at a rest stop while traveling alone with my children? They heard his inappropriate comments and saw me panic instead of standing tall. I want them to see a strong mother, not a scared one.
I aspire to raise assertive and confident daughters—ones who would never tolerate domestic violence or unfair treatment at work. I want them to feel empowered to speak out when faced with harassment, even if it means being scrutinized like so many women before them.
It’s painful to admit that I’ve been a victim of harassment. Yes, being a victim means I didn’t bring it on myself. My high school boyfriend’s violence was his choice, not mine. Yet, I allowed myself to be mistreated repeatedly.
This theme has played out throughout my life. In college, a guy offered to help me move, and I was charmed. But within half an hour, he was making inappropriate advances in front of friends. I escaped, but the fear lingered. I should have called for help, but I didn’t. I hid, waiting for him to leave.
After college, I faced corporate harassment. Male coworkers speculated about my body. I should have stood up for myself, but I stayed silent. I endured a toxic work environment instead of reporting the injustice.
I could never be proud of my daughters if they accepted workplace discrimination. I want them to report these issues, to strive for equality and not suffer in silence.
Today, another wave of harassment exists on social media. As a writer, I face criticism, which can cross the line into malicious attacks. Instead of responding to hate with strength, I find myself hesitating, failing to stand up for myself.
Why do I continue to be nice? It would be so simple to block or report the negativity. Admitting I have a problem is the first step, and here I am, acknowledging my weakness.
I’m a caring mother, but I’m also raising daughters who need to be strong, not victims. It’s time to replace my soft advice with empowering statements. I want to model assertiveness and show them how to take control. No more raising wimps here.
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In summary, I’m working to break the cycle of fear and pass on strength to my daughters. It’s time to raise confident women who can stand up for themselves and others.
Keyphrase: Raising confident daughters
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