Dear friends,
I need to express something important. When your loving partner is out late, away on business, feeling under the weather, or otherwise temporarily unavailable, please refrain from saying you are “Single Momming It.” I understand that you mean well, but it’s simply not an accurate comparison. Let’s clarify what “Single Momming” truly entails.
On most days, including today, I am the sole caregiver, responsible for everything from early morning wake-ups, potty training, meals, and playdates to soccer practice, dentist visits, and late-night fevers. I am the one dealing with tantrums, hauling groceries, and managing bath time. Yes, I also enjoy the precious moments, but that comes with a heavy load of responsibility.
I contribute to our college fund, handle all the bills, and shoulder the weight of my child’s future—his education, friendships, emotional well-being, and overall happiness rest solely on my shoulders, 24/7, 365 days a year, indefinitely. While I am grateful for my supportive boyfriend, at this point in our relationship, these responsibilities are mine alone, and they may never involve him.
I juggle a full-time job and care for my child during the day. After he’s asleep, I take quick showers, keeping the door open in case he wakes up. I worry about potential disasters while I’m in there, and from 9 PM to midnight, I work to improve my career prospects, as I am entirely accountable for our living situation and all the essentials—like those $65 soccer shoes.
When exhaustion hits around midnight, I’m often left wondering if I’m doing enough for my child. Did I spend enough quality time with him today? Will my love and attention help him grow into a confident and loving person? There’s no one to reassure me that I did a good job or to share a laugh about his latest antics. Every morning, no one is there to remind me that it’s a fresh start, free of mistakes.
When I take time for myself—be it a haircut, dinner out, or a doctor’s visit—I must find a babysitter, which can be quite the challenge. Enjoying child-free moments with friends comes at a cost, and I kindly ask that you refrain from comparing your temporary struggles to my daily reality. I empathize with your occasional extra workload; I genuinely care about your experiences. Even the best partners can falter, and every great marriage has its lonely moments. I recognize you are often the default parent, and I can only imagine how tough that gets.
However, your added responsibilities are temporary, while mine feel permanent. I didn’t choose this path. I always envisioned raising my child with two loving parents. Life had different plans for me, and while I don’t seek sympathy, I acknowledge that we all face our own challenges. I admire how you navigate yours.
My love for my child is boundless, and my gratitude for him fills my heart. I do what needs to be done every day and night because of that love. This is our life now, and I strive to smile through the exhaustion (and yes, sometimes bitterness) I experience. All I ask from you, my friends, is to recognize the distinction between our circumstances.
We are all incredible mothers with wonderful children. We each have moments of parenting triumph, and we all push ourselves to the limit. We stumble, we rise, and we wish for easier days. But let’s reserve the phrase “Single Momming It” for those of us who truly live that reality.
This article was originally published on Aug. 19, 2015.
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In summary, while we all face challenges in parenting, the experience of being a single mom is a unique journey that deserves its own recognition. Let’s honor those differences while continuing to support one another through the ups and downs of motherhood.
Keyphrase: Single Momming It
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