- Insist on Cheerios for breakfast—nothing else will do. Enjoy them sans milk on Mondays, Thursdays, and every other Friday.
- If someone messes up your breakfast order, it’s time to hyperventilate.
- Never, ever try new foods.
- Just because you liked something yesterday doesn’t mean you have to like it today. Changing your mind is perfectly legitimate, and no explanation is necessary.
- Be wary of anything that once had a heartbeat. Stick to items that look like they’ve been around for a while—like those orange things.
- Request an extensive range of foods at the grocery store, then either A. Act like you have no idea what any of it is once you’re home, or B. Allow it to be cooked before declaring you don’t like it.
- Spend time perfecting your knowledge of brand names so you can adamantly refuse anything that isn’t a premium option.
- Any cooking or prep time over 30 seconds is completely unacceptable.
- Inquire every 10 seconds about when the food will be ready. If it takes too long, throw a tantrum on the floor.
- This may lead to meals being served half-frozen, but it’s irrelevant—you were never going to eat it anyway.
- Wednesday afternoons are strictly for not eating, just because.
- Ensure you have a spoon, knife, and two forks at every meal, but ultimately eat everything with your hands.
- You must use your one favorite plate, and lose it if it’s dirty.
- Make it your mission to drop as much food as possible off the side of the table. After all, they say they spend their lives cleaning the floor—help them out!
- Sweet potato chips? Totally offensive.
- Steer clear of anything saucy; it might contain blended veggies.
- Water? No thanks. You’ll just wait until you’re parched—then show them who’s boss by getting hospitalized for dehydration.
- Always express hunger when you’re in the bath.
- Train your body to wake up at midnight for bananas.
- Casseroles, stews, and pies are suspicious—avoid at all costs.
- Sweet potato chips remain an insult.
- If someone calls broccoli “little trees,” give them a gentle kick in the shins. It’s just rude.
- Avocado? No way—what is that even?
For more insights on parenting and home insemination, check out our other blogs. You might find useful information about at-home insemination kits, such as those available at Make a Mom. If you’re curious about fertility options, NHS has excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination techniques.
Summary
Navigating the culinary whims of toddlers can be a hilarious and exhausting journey. From their unwavering love for Cheerios to their disdain for anything remotely green, these 23 rules encapsulate the eating habits of the ever-picky toddler. Remember, these little ones are not just picky eaters; they are tiny food critics with a flair for drama!
Keyphrase: toddler eating rules
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