As parents prepare to send their children off to college, discussions about sexual safety often focus on daughters, covering topics like campus sexual assault and self-defense strategies. In light of the alarming rise in reports of sexual violence, it would be remiss for parents not to engage in these critical conversations. However, we must also recognize that male students face their own unique vulnerabilities when it comes to sexual assault, a fact highlighted by Dr. Samuel Carter, a physician specializing in adolescent male health.
In an insightful piece for Pacific Standard, Dr. Carter points out that “male-on-male sexual assault is well-documented across college campuses.” Yet, the issue of female-on-male sexual assault is frequently overlooked. The National Crime Victimization Survey revealed that in 2013, 38 percent of reported sexual violence incidents involved male victims. Interestingly, women were found to be responsible for 46 percent of these assaults against men.
One of the key barriers to acknowledging and reporting sexual assault among boys and young men is the damaging cultural narrative that suggests “real men” are always eager for sex. Dr. Carter notes that a disturbing 3 to 4 percent of young men he encounters report that their first sexual experiences occurred before the age of ten. This is shocking, but many of these men do not categorize these experiences as traumatic. He also recounts stories of older boys—ages 12 to college—who have had to fend off unwanted sexual advances from females, such as waking up to find a girl performing sexual acts on them.
Dr. Carter observes, “Such scenarios can be particularly perplexing for young men who have been conditioned to believe that ‘real men’ should always be receptive to sex. In many cultures, sexual activity is viewed as a badge of honor. Consequently, young men who hesitate or refuse are often shamed, with the term ‘gay’ still carrying derogatory weight in numerous contexts. These factors likely contribute to the underreporting of sexual assaults experienced by boys and young men.”
While society increasingly acknowledges the vulnerability of college girls to sexual violence, the sexual vulnerability of boys is often dismissed. There’s a pervasive belief that boys are always ready for sex, and because they are typically larger and stronger than girls, many people find it hard to fathom that they can also be victims of sexual assault.
As a mother raising sons, I feel it is my duty to educate them about their bodily autonomy—reinforcing that no one should touch them inappropriately and that they have the right to say “stop” if they are uncomfortable. As they approach their teenage years, I must broaden my conversations to include discussions about their own sexual boundaries, how to deflect unwanted advances, and the importance of reporting any incidents of assault.
Dr. Carter emphasizes that while the prevalence of sexual assault among boys is not as widespread as it is for girls, further research is essential to understand the scope of the issue. This starts with educating young men about their rights and responsibilities concerning their bodies and sexual experiences. The outdated belief that “real men” are always eager for sex needs to be dismantled.
In conclusion, it is crucial for parents to have comprehensive discussions with their sons about consent, boundaries, and the realities of sexual assault. For more insights on navigating parenthood and related topics, you might want to check out our article on the Home Insemination Kit. It’s essential to equip both sons and daughters with the knowledge they need to navigate these complex issues confidently.
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