Recently, someone posed a thought-provoking question about how my life might differ without having an autistic brother. Honestly, I can say with certainty that it would be significantly less vibrant, less engaging, and far less rewarding. Over the past two decades, my brother Alex has imparted invaluable lessons simply by being himself. Here are five of the most impactful ones:
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Truth Telling Has Its Price.
Alex’s remarkable honesty is one of his defining traits. He has an incredible innocence, which means he speaks his mind without a filter. He doesn’t mean to offend, but he often does. For example, when asked, “Are you happy to see me?” the answer is usually, “Not really.” This bluntness always makes me chuckle, and I sometimes wonder how different our world would be if everyone were as forthright. For that reason, I often ask him for style advice. -
Invisible Struggles Are Real.
Not all battles are visible. Autism is an unseen condition—just because you see Alex flapping his hands or talking to himself doesn’t mean you understand what’s happening beneath the surface. This can be both a blessing and a challenge. Sometimes, I find myself wishing his disability was more noticeable; people tend to be more considerate and patient when they can see someone needs assistance. When folks see Alex, they see a tall, handsome young man, and when he behaves in ways deemed “odd” or “disrespectful,” judgments fly. This has taught me to approach every situation with an open heart and to remember that everyone has their own struggles, visible or not. -
Grief Comes in Many Forms.
I once likened receiving an autism diagnosis to experiencing the loss of a loved one. That analogy may sound harsh, but it captures the profound sense of loss for the future you envisioned for your family. It’s natural to feel denial, anger, or sadness—these feelings are part of the process. I still grieve for the life Alex could’ve had, but I’ve learned to keep it brief. There’s no point in wallowing indefinitely; a little mourning is healthy, but it shouldn’t consume your life. -
Miracles Do Happen.
I know this might sound cliché, but those of us with children who have disabilities must nurture a belief in miracles. While we should maintain realistic expectations, we shouldn’t limit our hopes. Alex today is a far cry from the nonverbal child he was ten years ago; he not only communicates now, but he also sings—and trust me, he’s got a better voice than I do! -
Control Is an Illusion.
I thrive on organization and planning, often creating multiple to-do lists weekly. However, having a sibling with a disability has shown me that control is an illusion. You can’t predict which milestones will be reached or when a trip to the grocery store might be derailed by a meltdown over “hard pants.” (Hard pants are what Alex referred to as jeans; he preferred sweatpants for years due to the texture of other fabrics.) It’s a waste of mental energy to fret over what you can’t control. While you don’t have to be a constant optimist (though it certainly makes life more enjoyable), conserving your energy for what matters is crucial.
(Bonus) A Simple Greeting Can Go a Long Way.
This one is self-explanatory, but worth mentioning.
In summary, my brother Alex has offered me lessons in honesty, empathy, acceptance, and adaptability. These insights have shaped my worldview and enriched my life in ways I never anticipated. If you’re interested in exploring more about home insemination, check out this guide on home insemination kits, which can provide useful information for those on a unique parenting journey. For a comprehensive resource on pregnancy, visit Johns Hopkins Medicine’s fertility center.
Keyphrase: Lessons from an Autistic Brother
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