Hey there, I got a call from your dad while I was at work, and he mentioned that you’re feeling a bit lost when it comes to doing laundry. You might think I neglected to teach you this vital life skill, but I assure you, it was all part of my master plan. For 18 years, I took care of your laundry so you could focus on more pressing matters, like acing your classes and climbing the social ladder in your online games. But now that you’re heading off to college tomorrow, it’s time to learn the ropes. Here’s a straightforward guide to get you started:
1. Inspect Before You Wash
Before tossing anything into the washer, check the labels on your fancy clothes to see if they require dry cleaning. Actually, scratch that. Who can afford dry cleaning? That’s just silly. Let’s donate those items instead and get a little tax break we could really use for your education.
2. Sort Your Clothes
Next, it’s time to separate your laundry by color. Dark colors like blues, blacks, and purples go into one pile, while reds, oranges, and pinks belong in another. Remember to keep whites separate too! If you decide to mix your reds with whites, get ready for a surprise—you’ll end up with an all-pink wardrobe, just like when you were five.
3. Washing Time
Ready for the fun part? Toss your darks into the washing machine. Set the water to cold and choose a wash cycle—8, 10, or 12 minutes, it doesn’t really matter. Pour in a capful of detergent (or less, because, let’s face it, that stuff isn’t cheap and your clothes aren’t that dirty). Start the machine by pulling a knob or pressing a button—whatever works!
4. Drying Your Clothes
Once the cycle is over and the machine stops shaking, it’s time to sort again. Pull out any delicate items like short shorts or flimsy shirts and hang them to dry in your room. Be resourceful—use hooks, chairs, or even your bunk bed, but make sure not to encroach too much on your roommates’ space. Speaking of roommates, remember to be considerate and keep the place tidy. Nobody wants ants crawling around, and if they bring home friends every night, don’t just bury your head under a pillow. Speak up!
5. Wash Your Reds
Now onto the reds. Repeat the washing steps but keep an eye on the machine availability. If it’s packed, and your reds are old, you can risk tossing them in with the darks. Just remember, you’re paying for this education, so make sure you’re getting your money’s worth in classes. Avoid ridiculous courses like “Finnish Folk Art” unless you want a five-year plan and a mountain of debt. And don’t forget to charm your professors—those connections can be invaluable.
6. Tackling Whites
For whites, turn the water temperature up to hot. Follow the same washing steps, but be brave and add a splash of bleach (about half a cup). This is your time to shine academically, so prioritize studying over partying. If you’re going to indulge, keep it moderate. Stay away from the super trendy drugs with cute names—they can be dangerous. Just stick to what you know, and remember that moderation is key!
7. Drying Your Last Load
Lastly, gather everything that can go in the dryer. Set it on medium or low heat—never hot, or you might mistakenly think you’ve gained the infamous Freshman 15! Press that start button and let it do its magic. Easy peasy!
And don’t forget—wash your towels every few days and your sheets at least once a week. No need to let it slide for three weeks—that’s just gross. Consider investing in some dryer sheets, and remember to always be safe when it comes to relationships. Have fun, but trust me, you’ll look back on these days fondly.
Love, Mom
For more information on fertility and related topics, check out resources like this one. If you’re interested in fertility boosters, here’s a link. And for those considering home insemination, this kit is a great option.
Summary
This guide offers essential laundry skills for college freshmen, emphasizing sorting clothes, proper washing techniques, and the importance of maintaining cleanliness in shared spaces. It also touches on academic priorities and social responsibilities, ensuring a balanced college experience.
Keyphrase: College Laundry Guide
Tags: “home insemination kit”, “home insemination syringe”, “self insemination”