Motherhood often comes with lessons that seem to arrive two decades too late. By the time grandchildren make their debut, you possess a wealth of wisdom that could earn you the title of “Mom of the Year.” Unfortunately, the energy to put that wisdom into action may be a bit lacking.
- Kids and Food: Stop stressing over their diets. If they refuse to eat the healthy meals you’ve prepared, hand them a corn chip and let it go. If they want more, leave the bag within reach. This doesn’t make you a bad parent; some days they simply won’t eat.
- Sleep Deprivation: Kids have an uncanny ability to sense when you’re tired. Yawning in front of them can unleash their boundless energy, leading to chaotic outbursts that last for hours. Remember: when they finally crash for a nap, you should too.
- Emotional Outbursts: Children are emotional beings. Sometimes, they need to unleash a dramatic fit. Let them scream, stomp, and throw things—it’s cathartic. Who knows? Adults might benefit from a good meltdown too.
- The Poop Chronicles: You don’t need to be a poop expert. Some parents even document color, consistency, and size, but this is unnecessary. If you ignore it, they’ll find a sneaky spot behind the couch to do their business. Plan more dinner parties, and they’ll be regular without the notebook.
- Sassy Comments: Kids have a knack for embarrassing you in public by sharing the most personal details. Keep a Tootsie Pop handy to temporarily silence those potentially awkward revelations.
- Germ Factories: Children are like walking petri dishes. Their hands are everywhere—mouths, noses, and who knows where else? Try to distract them with cookies to keep those little hands busy.
- The Love-Hate Relationship: It can be tough to accept that kids might not want to be with you every moment. There will be days, months, even years when they’ll shadow you relentlessly, so take a break when you can!
- Changing Preferences: Just when you think you’ve figured out their desires, they’ll switch it up. One moment they want juice, and the next, it’s ice cream. Pro tip: feed them prune juice occasionally to remind them not to mess with mom’s head.
- Imitation Game: Kids are natural mimics. You might struggle with their pronunciation, but “shit” will come out crystal clear—usually at the most inconvenient times, like when a toy hits the floor.
- Unexpected Affection: Just when you feel overwhelmed, they’ll surprise you with a sweet gesture, like a handful of flower heads, which they insist on giving without stems. Toss them in a bowl and enjoy the floating beauty.
- Cunning Minds: Kids are sharper than we give them credit for. They can figure out the Tooth Fairy’s schedule and even draft bad reviews when she forgets to visit. Be prepared for a spike in tooth prices!
- Time Flies: Kids grow up faster than you can blink. One moment they’re in your lap, and the next, they’re off to college. Cherish every moment—even the ones involving surprise poop.
The worries that consume us as young mothers often fade in importance. After raising five children, I look back and wish I’d focused more on what truly matters. Moms, do your best and surround yourself with perfectly imperfect friends—perfection is overrated anyway.
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