I can still vividly recall the sensation—the heaviness, the dread. It seemed to spring forth from nowhere, and to this day, I can’t pinpoint what set it off. Perhaps it had been lurking within me, biding its time.
I was filled with fear—not of imaginary creatures hiding under my bed, but of the mundane aspects of daily life. Little did I know, this was just the start of my anxiety saga.
As a kid, I started avoiding school, even making myself ill to escape it. This tactic worked for a time, but my parents caught on that something wasn’t right. They enlisted the help of a counselor, and my mom volunteered in my classroom to help ease my transition back into school—one of the countless ways she became my anchor throughout my formative years.
Navigating through elementary school and into high school, anxiety remained my constant companion. High school was particularly tough, but thankfully, I had a supportive circle of friends. Their presence dulled my anxiety, even if just a little. Still, there were days when the noise in my head drowned out my teachers’ voices. The irony? No one else seemed to notice. My struggle was my closely guarded secret. I felt embarrassed and somewhat insane for fearing what others found easy, all the while maintaining a cheerful facade. People would describe me as sociable and upbeat, unaware of the internal battles I faced.
When I left home for university, I started off strong, but by my third year, everything unraveled. I stopped attending classes, eating, and even sleeping. I was spiraling into a deep pit of despair until my parents showed up at my door once more. They sensed my distress and became my lifeline once again. After moving back home, I sought help and gradually reclaimed my life.
In time, I met my husband, relocated, and eventually got married. Then, I became a mother. This monumental life event brought with it a crucial epiphany: I couldn’t tackle my anxiety alone and needed to seek help when required. I learned the importance of acknowledging when I was overwhelmed and recognized that my anxiety was not a weakness.
Motherhood has been an ongoing challenge, but it has also been a catalyst for growth. After welcoming my daughter, I realized that she depended on me. I didn’t want my anxiety to rob either of us of experiences. Admittedly, having a child didn’t cure my anxiety. There were days when stepping outside felt impossible. There were moments of defeat and far too many tears. Nevertheless, with the unwavering support of my husband and family, we navigated those exhausting and transformative times.
Upon returning to work, I made the bold choice to go back to school, which introduced a new layer of anxiety. While this decision has been one of my best, it also intensified my awareness of anxiety. Now, I juggle the pressures of motherhood alongside being a full-time student, consistently pushing the boundaries of my comfort zone.
But I refuse to let anxiety dictate my life. It fuels my ambition to be a better person and a more present mom. Throughout my journey, I’ve gleaned five critical lessons from my experiences with anxiety:
- Eliminate the word “crazy.” Anxiety is a common experience. Your feelings are valid, and you are perfectly normal.
- Everyone has their own battles. Each of us is wrestling with something behind the scenes. We’re all striving to overcome our challenges and regain control of our lives.
- Allow yourself to cry. Sometimes, an emotional release is just what you need. It may not solve everything, but it can be incredibly therapeutic.
- Prioritize self-love. Taking time for yourself is essential. Engaging in activities that alleviate anxiety can enhance your overall well-being. Remember, making yourself a priority doesn’t make you a bad mom.
- Seek support. This is crucial for survival. Don’t hesitate to speak up, reach out, and ask for help.
These lessons have paved the way for my growth. Am I still prone to worry? Absolutely. Do I still experience anxiety? Without a doubt. Are there days when I feel like retreating back under the covers? Yes, yes, and YES! Fortunately, I now enjoy many more good days than bad.
Life can feel like a jigsaw puzzle, with pieces that sometimes seem mismatched. For those of us with anxiety, it’s vital to remember that we have the power to reassemble the picture, one piece at a time.
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