As part of our three-part series, “Off to College,” we’re focusing on preparing your teens for the transition away from home. In June, we discussed essential conversations to have with your incoming freshman and what factors contribute to a successful first-year experience. Last month, we tackled dorm shopping and shared tips for saving money.
Now, in August, we shift our attention to the practical aspects of moving in and adjusting to life without your child at home. This month is filled with a mix of emotions—pain and pride coexisting in harmony.
The arrival of our children two decades ago turned our lives upside down, and this new transition feels just as significant. So be kind to yourself; it’s natural for the adjustment to take time. The initial transition hit me hard, and it’s no surprise this one would too.
As August progresses, the countdown intensifies—first months, then weeks, and finally days. One thought kept me grounded as my son’s departure approached: You can choose to feel the hurt now or later, but ultimately, the hurt will come. During an interview, a host asked me how I was coping with my son leaving for college, and I candidly admitted: denial. I figured that worrying and sulking wouldn’t help me, and it would only weigh him down as he stepped into this new chapter of his life. It was going to be tough walking away from his dorm room, so I delayed thinking about it until that moment arrived.
Here are three essential steps to prepare for move-in day and the subsequent separation:
1. Organize Move-In Day
Check the freshman university website to find the move-in schedule and see if there are any formal orientations for parents and students. Attending these events—whether they last a few hours or a full day—can help you feel more connected to your child’s new environment. While you’re at it, mark the dates for parents’ weekend on your calendar, and consider booking accommodations early, especially if your child’s school is in a busy area.
Some families choose to arrive a day or two ahead of time to explore the campus together, while others opt for a quick arrival just before moving in. If you’re like me, you might prefer to unpack your child’s things swiftly and then make a graceful exit—lingering felt like intruding on their new lives. On move-in day, it might be wise to visit the health center with your child and have them sign a release form, allowing medical professionals to speak with you if necessary.
2. Plan the Farewell
Once you make the bed in your child’s dorm room, you may feel like an outsider. After attending orientations and meeting fellow parents, you’ll find yourself with little left to do but leave. Most colleges set a specific time for goodbyes, and if you miss it, you risk becoming “That Parent,” reluctant to depart. Your child will likely be eager to engage with new friends and activities. Some parents prefer to schedule one last meal together before leaving.
Saying goodbye is akin to ripping off a Band-Aid—best done quickly without looking back. Colleges are aware of the emotional turmoil involved, which is why they encourage families to leave after a designated time. While many parents cry during the drive home, it’s best to maintain composure on campus so your child can focus on their new adventure.
Marshall P. Duke, a psychology professor at Emory University, emphasizes the significance of this moment. He advises parents to seize this unique opportunity to communicate meaningful thoughts and life lessons to their children. Instead of trivial advice, think about what truly matters. What do you want to impart as they embark on this new journey?
So, plan for move-in day, say your goodbyes at the designated moment, leave an encouraging letter for your child, and then walk away.
3. Plan for Communication
To stay informed about campus life, consider reading the school’s daily newspaper online or subscribing to their parent newsletters. Bookmark the parent section on the university’s website for important information, such as parents’ weekend and exam schedules. Many institutions have parent associations that provide insights into campus happenings without being intrusive.
Though the common advice is to let your child decide when to reach out, checking in more often at the beginning can help ease feelings of homesickness. Quick texts or calls can reassure your freshman that they’re not alone during this transition. You might find that establishing communication takes some trial and error.
Mental health issues are on the rise among college students, so keeping in touch is crucial for noticing any changes in your child’s behavior. Remember when they played at the park, occasionally checking in with you from a distance? College is similar; they’ll explore their independence, and so will you.
In summary, as you prepare for this monumental change, focus on organizing move-in day, planning a heartfelt goodbye, and establishing a communication strategy. This is a time for growth—for both you and your child.
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