Updated: Dec. 18, 2015 – Originally Published: July 31, 2015
It’s a well-worn cliché, but time truly flies. Those years of babyhood filled with dirty diapers, car seat struggles, and endless tantrums seem like a distant memory. Now, while life is easier in some respects, it still has its challenges—like managing smelly sports gear, driving around town, and the occasional emotional outburst.
For me, the toughest part of parenting an almost-teenager is finding the right balance between the freedom they crave and the safety I want to maintain. I’m definitely not a helicopter parent, yet I recognize that the world has changed dramatically since I was their age, when I could roam freely with friends without a second thought from my parents.
I genuinely appreciate the idea of my son experiencing freedom. We live in a relatively safe neighborhood, and I’d much prefer him riding his bike around than glued to a violent video game. However, letting him roam outside comes with risks, especially when his still-maturing brain doesn’t grasp the dangers of racing his buddies down the street. So how do we, as parents, encourage freedom while ensuring our children stay safe?
I know many parents share these dilemmas, so I’ve compiled five strategies that help me juggle freedom and responsibility with my almost-teen (most of the time—I’m not claiming to have all the answers!).
1. Know their whereabouts
It’s crucial to know where they are, who they are with, and what time they’re expected home. Setting clear expectations means any deviations can be addressed effectively.
2. Communication through technology
Most kids have phones, and my rule is simple: if I call, you answer. If I text, you respond promptly. If not, I have a clear reason to reconsider any future outings with friends, like a trip to Subway.
3. Get to know their friends
Understanding who your child hangs out with is essential. Create an inviting atmosphere at home where their friends feel comfortable coming over—consider setting up a chill-out zone for them.
4. Stay informed about social media
Is your child on Instagram, Snapchat, or TikTok? Social media plays a huge role in their lives, so it’s vital to stay informed. In our household, I cover the costs of the phone, which means I also know the passcode. I keep up with the apps my son uses, and we even share an Instagram connection—he’s cool with me following him as long as I don’t comment on his posts.
5. The Three Cs
My guiding principles are communication, consistency, and consequences. If I clearly outline my expectations and they fail to follow through, I remain consistent with the rules and enforce consequences. Naturally, these consequences vary based on age and the nature of the rule broken (the naughty step is long gone, but taking away devices? That works!).
As kids grow, their desire for freedom increases while parents strive for responsibility and safety. Viewing this dynamic as a compromise rather than a conflict (i.e., “You may not be as responsible as I’d prefer, but you’ll have less freedom than you want”) can ease the tensions. At least until puberty hits—then we’ll have a whole new set of challenges to tackle!
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In summary, parenting an almost-teenager is a unique challenge that requires a careful balancing act between granting freedom and ensuring safety. By fostering open communication and understanding, we can navigate this tricky phase together.