Updated: Dec. 26, 2015
Originally Published: July 26, 2015
Let’s set the scene: I’m driving the kids around in our trusty minivan, listening to the latest pop hits—thanks to my children’s obsession with tunes from ex-Disney stars. Honestly, I don’t mind most of today’s pop music. It’s catchy! But when I hear songs like Ava Martinez’s “Adore You Like a Summer Breeze,” I can’t help but think, where are the love songs that speak to us middle-aged married folks?
Now, before you roll your eyes, I’m 38. Sure, some of my friends insist I’m still young. “We’re not middle-aged!” they say. “Forty is the new 29-ish!” Yet, let’s face it—when the idea of a wild night out sounds less appealing than a quiet evening with a good book, we might just be in that stage of life.
Let’s consider the reality check: the average lifespan for women in the U.S. is about 81, which means, yes, we’re in middle age. Still not convinced? Ask yourself: Are you more eager for romance or for a hot cup of coffee? Exactly.
There’s something comforting about decades of shared experiences. If we’re in midlife and married, we get each other’s quirks. He knows that back pain can make certain nighttime escapades tricky, and we’re not pulling out the sexy lingerie anymore. But if he’s willing to help me out of my oversized T-shirt? Game on. It’s not all candlelit dinners and sultry glances, but we know how to make the most of our time—even if it’s just 10 minutes before the kids or the dog interrupts.
That’s why I struggle to connect with many modern love songs. Take Ava’s “Adore You Like a Summer Breeze”: “You’re stunning, like a vision from a dream, miraculous / A show-stopper, so supreme / You’ve saved my life again.” But my reality? Here’s my version: “Adore You Like a Grocery Run”:
I forgot the milk, So you saved the day by grabbing some, While you’re out, could you please pick up bread, hon? Yes, another loaf, for the kids’ lunch later on. You’re a hero, truly, because I’ve been to the store twice today. Reliable, huggable, marital— When you return, babe, We can Netflix and chill—maybe.
[Chorus]
I, I adore you for getting the milk,
I, I adore you for getting the milk,
I, I adore you for getting the milk,
So I’ll be rubbing your feet-feet-feet-feet-feet-feet.
Ava isn’t the only one out there with catchy tunes I can’t relate to. If you’re a fan of Mia Johnson (who isn’t?), you’ll recognize “Blank Space,” a dramatic take on dating that feels a bit far-fetched for anyone juggling kids and responsibilities. Sure, the beat is fun, but “Grab your passport and my hand, I could make the bad guys good for a weekend”? Not happening when we have laundry and homework to tackle.
Now, we’re over the drama. Our blank spaces are filled with unread books and long naps—more cherished than the youthful exuberance we once had.
What’s a tune that resonates with us? Let me present “Blank Stare”:
I can’t find it. Where’s it gone? Left my spark somewhere, I swear. Nightstand? Closet? That push-up bra? I used to be so eager—oh my stars! This isn’t me—yesterday I was 20. My libido’s gone away-ay. New undergarments ‘cause I try, I read about this in a magazine, “How to Please a Middle-Aged Guy” And I know it’s about you and me. So let’s stretch first, Surely it can’t get any worse, Than when we attempted that swing— I couldn’t even stand straight for most of that weekend.
[Pre-Chorus]
This could last forever,
Or it’s just perimenopause.
Want to nap ’til it’s over,
Think some lube will do the trick.
Got a long list of desires,
But just not in my loins,
And I know you’d love some fire,
Down in my groin.
[Chorus]
‘Cause we’re older than we once were,
We could pull a hammy, sure,
But I’m the madam to your sir,
So let’s lock the bedroom door.
Got a long list of new ailments,
Hormonal, not insane!
Explains this blank stare, babe.
Let’s give it another shot?
How about grooving to Marvin Gaye instead? “Let’s Get It On” kicks off with “I’ve been really tryin’, baby.” If that doesn’t perfectly capture midlife intimacy, I don’t know what does. But do keep trying, because if there’s one thing about romance in your 40s that trumps your 20s, it’s not having to explain to a younger partner where they’re going wrong.
In summary, as we navigate the midlife phase, it’s clear that our love songs need to evolve, just like we do. From grocery runs to Netflix nights, let’s embrace and celebrate the humor and challenges of love in our 40s.
Keyphrase: love songs for midlife couples
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