This past November, I hit the big 4-6. I woke up feeling bloated, distracted, and droopy. At exactly 1:24 a.m., panic gripped me as I lay awake, convinced that someone was downstairs endlessly hitting a single note on the piano for hours. My hair had a mind of its own, and my sense of humor seemed to have gone into hiding. For the first time in my life, I felt like a grown-up—and let’s just say, I wasn’t exactly thrilled about it.
Fast forward to my birthday. I awoke to my kids and husband singing, showering me with gifts and affectionate hugs. Hooray! Perhaps 46 could be enjoyable after all! I spent the day in quintessential 2015 style: scrolling through Facebook. A flood of messages from friends, family, colleagues, and even a few headhunters I had inadvertently accepted filled my inbox. My past made a grand entrance with a symphony of good wishes.
Oddly, I didn’t feel the burden of the years that had accumulated all these connections, nor did I grasp how much time had passed. Instead, I sensed an overwhelming abundance—more people in my life than ever, more memories, more experiences, more love—just more of everything. A thought washed over me, seeking articulation. “Time has granted me the capacity to embrace more in my life,” was the best I could manage. “I’m not old; I’m just seasoned.” For the first time, that cliché resonated with me.
Among the birthday messages were three particular photos that struck a chord. My sister shared a baby picture of me gazing longingly at a pastry shop window—proof that my obsession with baked goods started young. Consistency, after all, is key!
An old friend from middle school posted a snapshot of a page from my notebook where I had penned a poem for her. My very first writing gig! While I didn’t recall the moment, that poem has remained etched in my memory.
Lastly, my longtime roommate shared a picture from my 26th birthday dinner. I looked fabulous—curly-haired, sun-kissed, and wearing no makeup, with big earrings and an even bigger smile. I never finished my plate that night; I read voraciously, donned ripped jeans, and sported comfy shoes. That was a great version of me. When I showed the picture to my family, my husband remarked, “That’s what you looked like when we met!” My 13-year-old daughter exclaimed, “Oh, Mommy, you looked so beautiful in your wedding photos!” And my 8-year-old son asked, “Who is that?”
Even though the years had zipped by without my notice, it turned out I had journeyed quite a distance over the last two decades. Yet, as I peered into the mirror on my 46th birthday, I wasn’t pleased with what I saw. The reality of aging hit me, and I resolved to change that. The day after my birthday, amidst the chaos of work, children, and household chores, my conscious mind forgot my resolution. However, a part of me, deep down, initiated a secret plan to reclaim my vitality.
I began reconnecting with friends who truly mattered to me, letting go of worries about those whose negative opinions were irrelevant. I reduced my Facebook scrolling and sought more face-to-face interactions with my family. I read more, snacked less, and prepared for a spring garden. We leaped on the bed, searched for sea glass, and turned the kitchen into a science lab with fizzy experiments. We laughed, and I found myself smiling—often.
Now, nearly three months post-birthday, I woke up, grabbed my latest read, hit the gym, ate a sensible breakfast, styled my newly permed curls, donned my hoop earrings, slipped into my ripped jeans and scuffed shoes, and gazed into the mirror. A glimpse of my 26-year-old self stared back at me. Sure, there are some bags under my eyes, and yes, I still need to shed that baby weight (reminder: my youngest is 8!), but I also feel like a more confident, fulfilled version of my younger self—a worthwhile trade-off.
So, if you find yourself grappling with a midlife crisis, here’s my advice: choose an age. Any age that represents your best self. It’s still you; you may just need to dig a bit to uncover that essence. That treasure of your best midlife self might just be waiting, hidden beneath the surface, and only you have the map to find it.
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In summary, embracing the journey of midlife doesn’t have to be daunting. Instead, it can be an exploration of rediscovery, where looking back helps illuminate the path forward.
Keyphrase: midlife epiphany
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