Navigating adulthood often comes with little guidance, especially when it comes to forming genuine friendships. Once you step out of the school environment, the structure that once facilitated social connections disappears. Say goodbye to group assignments, planned outings, and mandatory social interactions.
While you may forge some bonds with colleagues at work, very few of these relationships evolve into what I refer to as “take-home friends.” These are the individuals you invite into your life beyond work’s confines—people with whom you share authentic experiences, not just the daily grind of deadlines and meetings. The majority of work friends fade into the background soon after you change jobs, leaving you with only a handful of friends who stick around.
Four years ago, I made a significant life change, leaving a stable corporate job filled with acquaintances and a couple of close friends, relocating two hours away. This transition meant starting anew without the familiar workplace interactions. I enrolled in a low-residency MFA creative writing program, where most of my work was conducted online, and the few in-person gatherings occurred just twice a year. Although I was meeting classmates, many lived far away, making it challenging to cultivate friendships.
So, what’s a single adult to do in this situation? Without the typical social settings of parenting or a conventional job, I felt somewhat adrift. Writing can be a solitary pursuit, and chatting with my dog wasn’t exactly a substitute for human interaction. Although I was usually content and adept at maintaining long-distance friendships, I still craved closer connections.
Then, an unexpected opportunity arose when I began training as a guide at a local historic house museum. My fellow trainees were a colorful mix of individuals from various backgrounds and stages of life. We included parents, singles, and professionals like real estate agents, landscape architects, and even a modeling agent. As we spent hours together learning and preparing for tours, we bonded over shared experiences and challenges.
As we tackled the immense amount of information needed to impress our future guests, we began an email thread to share tips, photos, and helpful resources. What started as a training exercise soon blossomed into genuine friendships. On our last training day, we gathered for dinner at the home of the real estate agent. Under the stars, we swapped stories, laughed, and connected beyond the training material.
As I reflected on how quickly we had become friends, I expressed my surprise at feeling comfortable around them. “I can truly be myself with all of you,” I remarked, realizing that my lack of pretense allowed for authentic connections. One friend, a frequent traveler, noted, “We’re not out to compete with one another like in a traditional job.”
This revelation struck a chord with me. In most professional settings, friendships can come with an underlying sense of competition for promotions or recognition. Even in collaborative environments, the pressure to maintain a polished facade can hinder genuine connections. As adults, we often feel the need to present our best selves—an idealized version that may not reflect our true personalities.
Over the past few years, I’ve grown more comfortable in my own skin, possibly due to age or the confidence I gained from my career shift. I’ve learned to let go of the anxiety around making others like me. As an only child who often worked alone, I developed a certain degree of comfort with solitude, which likely helped me embrace my new friends more openly.
This newfound confidence allowed me to appreciate my friends as unique individuals, unclouded by concerns about my image. We entered this friendship as equals, celebrating each other’s achievements without jealousy. I hope these relationships will endure and evolve into lifelong connections. Regardless of where the future leads us, we began this journey with honesty and openness—an essential part of adulting.
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In summary, making friends as an adult can be challenging, but with openness and shared experiences, it’s entirely possible. Embrace the journey, and you may find lifelong companions in unexpected places.
Keyphrase: adult friendships
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