As I approach my 40th birthday in just a few months, I find myself reflecting on the bittersweet reality that the two people who welcomed me into this world won’t be here to commemorate four decades of life. Both of my parents passed away during my late 30s, leaving me to navigate the role of the eldest generation in my family. While friends are busy planning retirement celebrations for their parents or considering how to care for them, I’m left contemplating my own journey.
Here’s what I’ve discovered along the way:
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Plans Can Change in an Instant
I used to think I had everything mapped out. Five years ago, I was pregnant with my second child and transitioning to a new job that promised a fresh start away from the newspaper industry. I was a bit anxious about being eight hours away from my parents and siblings but assumed I could bridge that gap. Then, in the fall of 2010, my mother received a Stage IV peritoneal cancer diagnosis. We didn’t realize it at the time, but she had only two years left. Despite what some may think, doctors can be correct; she passed away in April 2013, just two months past the two-year mark.
After her passing, Dad struggled to fulfill the dual roles of grandparent and father, ultimately succumbing to health issues 14 months later. At 35, I believed I had more time with them, but I took far too much for granted.
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Time Waits for No One
This might sound harsh, but if you’re aware you’re being difficult and can’t seem to change your behavior, it’s time to reevaluate. I’ve spent the past two years seeking guidance from a thoughtful counselor. After Dad’s death, she kindly pointed out that it’s okay to feel some relief. I longed for a relationship with him like those I saw among my friends, one where arguments didn’t dominate our interactions. Now I realize that dream will never materialize. While I cherish memories of his humor and love for his grandchildren, I no longer miss the tension that came with our disagreements. Regrettably, we can’t rewind the clock. If you still have the chance, mend what you can.
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Gratitude Goes a Long Way
Whenever self-pity creeps in, I remind myself of the adage, “Someone else is happier with less than you have.” Although “happy” may not be the right term, I recognize that my situation isn’t tragic. I was fortunate to have my parents until my mid-30s. They walked me down the aisle and held my children, which is something many are denied. I have immense respect for those who endure the loss of a parent or face unimaginable circumstances, like losing a spouse or child. They are the ones truly equipped to offer wisdom.
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Prioritize Your Well-Being
Another nugget of wisdom from my counselor is to be kind to yourself. Somewhere along the line, many of us believe that wearing our stress as a badge of honor is a mark of adulthood. If you thrive on a demanding job, that’s great! But if you find yourself trudging through each week and hear that inner voice saying, “This isn’t the life I want,” take a moment to assess what changes could steer you toward a more fulfilling path. Earlier this year, I shifted from a full-time position to freelance writing and editing. It’s been a bumpy ride, but six months in, I feel like I’m finally on the right track. Life is unpredictable, and it’s essential to live with that truth in mind.
This article was originally published on July 18, 2015. For more on the journey of parenthood, check out our post on the BabyMaker Home Intracervical Insemination Syringe Kit Combo, and for those looking to boost their chances of conception, consider exploring fertility supplements. For helpful insights on pregnancy, visit the World Health Organization’s page on pregnancy.
In summary, as I turn 40, I carry both the weight of loss and the lightness of gratitude. Life has taught me to appreciate each moment and to mend relationships while I can.
Keyphrase: Turning 40 Without My Parents
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