When I asked my friend Sarah to take me to the airport at the crack of dawn one summer, she instantly replied, “I’d be happy to!” She even offered to join me in searching for a new place, calling it “an adventure.” Forget about the time someone broke into my car the last time I parked it in a busy city. Each of my friends, male and female (including my mom), turned me down when I asked for someone to watch my car during my trip from Boston to New York for my father’s treatments. Everyone except for one. Jessica said, “Absolutely!” Relieved, I promised to bring snacks and a good book to make it easier. “No need,” she replied. “I’ll just people-watch. It’ll be a blast.”
As we inch closer to our 40s and beyond, I feel like we start to see a divide between those who are thrill-seekers and those who are reliable. My more flamboyant friends certainly keep life interesting, and I cherish them for that. However, I’ve come to appreciate those who will lend a hand with practical matters, like driving me to the mechanic or actually showing up when they say they will.
When I needed quotes for a grad school project about the New York Doll Hospital, which was quite a trek from home, Jessica bravely stepped out of her comfort zone and approached customers for their thoughts. Many people overlook her quiet demeanor, failing to notice the unique spark that I’ve come to admire over our three decades of friendship. She’s an amazing cook and has a zest for life, but she doesn’t dazzle in the same way my college friend, “Rachel,” did.
Everyone was entranced by Rachel’s beauty and talent, but after graduation, I found myself always initiating plans and keeping in touch. Once I stopped reaching out, so did she. I wouldn’t trade my steady friend Jessica for a hundred radiant Rachels. Jessica willingly came to a concert with me, even though she wouldn’t know a beat from Beck if it hit her. The only hiccup was my fear of crowds and the bats that might swoop down on us at that outdoor venue. Jessica reassured me that all I had to do was look at her if I felt anxious, and we’d leave without any fuss. If Rachel was a masterpiece hanging in a gallery, Jessica is a cozy blanket on a chilly night.
This isn’t to say my more dependable friends lack excitement. They are just as intelligent and enjoyable, but their brilliance isn’t always in the spotlight. I can ask Jessica, Sarah, and my other reliable friends for anything. They’re the essential nutrients in my life—proteins, carbs, and vitamins—while Rachel was just the spice. Sure, we all crave a little spice sometimes, but it can’t be the sole ingredient in our lives.
In my youth, many of my friends were like shooting stars—briefly bright before fizzling out. A few years ago, I met “Tina,” whose charm and energy immediately drew me in. For weeks, we were inseparable, and then she vanished without explanation. Now, when I sense a new friendship forming, I remind myself that things that heat up quickly often cool off just as fast.
Romantically, my preferences are also evolving. In my younger days, I was captivated by brooding artists. Nothing against my husband, who is wonderfully kind and creatively gifted, but if I could do it all again, I might lean toward the “steady Eddies”—those who feel more at home fixing a sink than writing me poetry. I’d tell my 17-year-old self to steer clear of the tortured souls; they often bring a lot of emotional baggage. Nowadays, I’d much rather witness someone unclogging a drain than lamenting about life’s injustices.
In my earlier years, I gathered friends who were bright but fleeting. Today, my ideal companions would embody qualities like trustworthiness, loyalty, and kindness—attributes that resonate deeply with me. Not that I judge potential friends by what they can do for me; rather, I value those who genuinely stand by me, as opposed to those who flit in and out of my life.
In conclusion, as I navigate through friendships and relationships, I find that the ones who are reliable and steady bring more fulfillment than those who merely shine brightly for a season. True companionship is about being there for each other, not just in good times but when it counts.
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Keyphrase: steady friendships
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