Labor and delivery nurses are the unsung heroes of the hospital, swooping in at all hours to offer assistance. They check vitals, apply pressure in surprising places (seriously, no baby book warned me about the post-delivery belly push that sends everything that didn’t make it out cascading down), and guide you through the essentials of newborn care. Those initial hours after giving birth feel like a crash course in “Newborn Son 101,” complete with a nurse ushering you and your little blue bundle out the hospital doors like a graduation ceremony.
But once you’re home, the real learning begins. Having given birth to four boys, I can confidently say that mastering the art of bathing an infant wasn’t my top priority. Instead, hospitals should offer a comprehensive curriculum specifically for boy moms, covering the realities of raising sons. Here’s a sneak peek at some indispensable “classes” that would be far more beneficial:
1. Assembly Mastery
Forget just Legos; this skill transcends toys. If you’re expecting your first boy, skip that Lamaze class and instead grab a Lego set with at least 250 pieces. Scatter them everywhere—bedside, bathroom, you name it. Then, have a go at assembling it just like the picture. Once you’ve mastered that, try taking it apart and reassembling it six months later without the instructions. This skill will serve you well when toys, furniture, and gadgets inevitably need fixing, and it’s often you who will be left to figure it out.
2. Basic Haircuts for Boys
After two boys, I realized I could save a fortune by cutting hair myself. A quick visit from a local cosmetology school could have saved me from a lot of trial and error—like figuring out those electric clippers have numbers for a reason. Learning this skill means no more expensive trips to the barber every six weeks, and you can keep your husband from questioning your Target spending on those cute capri pants.
3. Stitches 101
As someone who’s sewn for years, I know that stitching up a small cut doesn’t require a medical degree. Hospitals should provide moms with basic supplies and a lesson on when stitches are necessary vs. when a simple bandage will do. This could save you countless hours in the ER and the inevitable debate over who has to take the child in when they split their chin.
4. Toilet Troubleshooting
Knowing how to repair a toilet goes beyond just using a plunger. You should be able to take the whole thing apart when your adventurous little ones decide to flush their toys. A simple tutorial could have saved me the embarrassment of hiring a plumber who scolded me for flushing feminine hygiene products when, in reality, it was a train toy causing the blockage.
5. Anatomy Vocabulary 101
Before having boys, I had no idea there were so many euphemisms for male anatomy. A guide to the various terms boys use would have been a lifesaver. From “captain winky” to “one-eyed snake,” understanding this vocabulary is essential when navigating conversations about boyhood with a sense of humor.
6. Extra Credit
Once you think you’ve got the hang of motherhood, consider adding these to your skill set:
- Tie Tying: Master this while racing to get to church on time.
- Fire Control: Not just in the kitchen—boys will test limits outside too.
- Grocery Tetris: Learn how to fit a family’s worth of food into one cart.
- Button and Zipper Repairs: Boys grow fast and their clothes often can’t keep up.
- Poker Skills: Teaching them to play a game of chance could be a fun bonding experience.
And lastly, embrace your role as the queen of the castle because, before you know it, your home will be filled with girlfriends who think they can take your place.
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Summary
Moms of boys need a whole new set of skills to navigate the adventure of raising sons. From learning to assemble toys to understanding boy anatomy, the hospital could provide invaluable training that goes beyond the basics of infant care. With a little preparation, you’ll be equipped for the whirlwind of motherhood that lies ahead.
Keyphrase: boy moms hospital learning
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