- Thou shalt never operate the vehicle with impaired judgment. If you continue down this path, you might not get behind the wheel until you’re 30.
- Keep your hands firmly on the steering wheel at all times. This means no texting, snacking, or any other distractions. I recognize your multitasking skills, but safety comes first.
- Passengers, keep your hands off the wheel! This isn’t a movie scene where everything goes perfectly. In real life, that could lead to a ditch. Trust me, I’ve heard stories.
- No Caramel Frappuccinos in the car! Last week, my steering wheel was stickier than a movie theater floor after a blockbuster. And remember, a grande skim latte is a must for your mother.
- After picking up fast food, thou shalt air out the vehicle and use the Febreze from the trunk. This rule also applies after a meal at Chipotle or a sweaty basketball game. And no, Axe body spray won’t cover it up.
- Do not blast the radio to 11 and scare the living daylights out of your mother when she starts the car. If you do, she might retaliate by playing NPR throughout the house. The second offense could lead to her rapping Snoop Dogg, and on the third, watch out—she may attempt to dance like Beyoncé!
- Abandoning chewing gum in the cup holder is a crime! The same goes for straw wrappers, sunflower seed shells, and used tissues. If you do, I’ll instruct the cats to make your pillow their new hairball spot.
- The trunk is not your laundry basket! If I find wet towels in my backseat, be prepared to discover your dad’s dirty underwear in your beach bag.
- Returning the car on empty is forbidden! It’s like leaving an empty Cheez-It box in the pantry—if running out of snacks left you stranded on I-495. Use your gas card for something other than beef jerky at the convenience store.
- The Golden Rule: Treat the Prius as if it were your own because someday it might be. If this family gets a new car, it’s mine.
Remember, if you want the keys to the kingdom, they are in my pocket. My will shall be done.
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In summary, these commandments are not just rules; they are essential guidelines for a harmonious relationship with my car. Follow them, and you might just earn your driving privileges for years to come.
Keyphrase: Car usage rules
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