My son is 5 years old, a delightful blend of silliness and sensitivity. He’s cautious yet kind, and as my firstborn, he holds a special place in my heart. I express my love for him often—every morning, as he heads off to school, during bedtime, and throughout the day. Yet, I can count on one hand the number of times he has returned the sentiment.
Most days, this doesn’t trouble me. I know he loves me; his face lights up and he runs to me, joyfully calling “Mommy!” after even a short separation. He instinctively reaches for my hand when he feels scared or upset and creates colorful drawings filled with monsters, hearts, and planets. He shares his thoughts and feelings with me. But there are moments when I long to hear those three little words.
About a year ago, shortly after his sibling arrived, he went through a phase where he would declare, “I hate you.” The first time it pierced my heart, but I calmly explained that such words can be hurtful. He seemed to understand, but then, during a car ride home from school, he expressed his frustration about not being able to borrow his sister’s nail polish, resulting in another “I hate you.” I felt crushed. After giving my husband the baby and retreating to my room, I sobbed uncontrollably. I didn’t need a “thank you” or even an “I love you,” but hearing “I hate you” was devastating.
Eventually, I composed myself enough to talk to him about it. When I saw him, however, the hurt resurfaced, and I found myself in tears again. Alarmed, he apologized, pleading, “Don’t cry!” But what I truly needed to hear was an expression of his love for me.
Days later, as I was tucking him into bed, he admitted, “Mommy, I made a mistake. That time I said I hated you? That was a mistake.” I reassured him that I understood. However, while he stopped saying “I hate you,” he didn’t start saying “I love you” in its place. My daughter, on the other hand, freely shares her affection, often proclaiming her love for everything from her toys to family members. My son, being the logical thinker he is, seems to grapple with the concept of love.
I thought I had moved past needing those words from him until Monday came. Typically, my husband drops off my daughter while I take my son to school. That day, as we drove away, we could see her pressed against the window, crying. I explained to my son, “She’s feeling sad. It’s hard for her when Daddy drops her off.” He replied, “I like Daddy,” followed by, “I like Daddy more than you.” Ouch.
Staying calm, I said, “That’s not very nice. That hurts my feelings.” He quickly backtracked, saying, “I mean, I don’t know. I like both of you. I don’t know who I like more.” Inwardly, I thought, “Like? Really, like?” (And maybe a guilty part of me wondered, “Do you not know who brought you into this world?”) Out loud, I reassured him, “You don’t need to favor either of us.”
As we continued driving, I felt a strong desire to hear him say it. Why was it so difficult for him? He can express love for Ninja Turtles, new markers, and other things, yet not to me? After a moment of silence, I said, “I love you. I really love you a lot. I know saying it isn’t easy for you, but I know you love me too.”
I glanced in the rearview mirror just in time to catch him looking down, shaking his head as if to deny it. Instead, he nodded, tears welling in his eyes. He reached his hand out, though we were too far apart to touch. I reached back, jokingly quoting Super Friends, “I can’t…reach…you.” We both laughed, and while he didn’t say the words, I felt reassured. I know he loves me.
For those navigating similar experiences, understanding that love can be expressed in many forms is crucial. If you’re looking for more resources on pregnancy and self-insemination, visit WHO’s pregnancy page. And if you’re interested in at-home insemination kits, check out Cryobaby’s home intracervical insemination kit or their at-home insemination kit.
In summary, navigating a child’s expression of love can be complex and filled with ups and downs. While they may not always verbalize their feelings, their actions often speak volumes.
Keyphrase: Understanding a Son Who Rarely Says “I Love You”
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