The Impact of the Marriage Equality Ruling on My Life

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On that Friday morning when the Supreme Court ruled in favor of marriage equality, I couldn’t contain my excitement. I was with my kids, and they quickly noticed my joyful reaction, asking what had happened. I attempted to explain the significance of the decision, emphasizing how important it was for our friends who identify as LGBTQ+. They understood enough to realize my enthusiasm but were puzzled about why such a ruling was necessary in the first place.

What I didn’t share with them was the deeper connection I have to this issue. My father, a well-respected lawyer who had even argued cases before the Supreme Court, was gay. He passed away from AIDS when I was only eight years old—one of the early victims in Florida. At the time, I was blissfully unaware of the circumstances surrounding his death, and I couldn’t comprehend the secrecy and stigma that enveloped our family.

In 1982, the understanding of AIDS was limited, and misinformation ran rampant. Kids at school didn’t want to associate with me because they thought the disease could be transmitted through casual contact. This led to my eventual transfer to a private school, far from the judgmental stares and whispers. It took years of piecing together fragmented stories until I finally confronted my mother about my father’s illness, and she confirmed my suspicions.

What I recall most vividly about him are the little things: his perfectly pressed jeans, colorful Izod shirts, a love for classic cars, and those delightful “surprise cookies” filled with M&Ms. He took me on a thrilling ride in the Goodyear blimp when I was just six. But the joy turned to sorrow when he fell ill, and by the time I reached eight, I witnessed him collapse one night and never return home.

The day he died, I was stunned into silence. I remember the memorial service well—dressed in pantyhose for the first time and singing his favorite hymns. Over the years, I learned to adapt, to bury those memories as my mother struggled to raise me and my baby sister on her own.

Years later, the release of the film Philadelphia struck a chord deep within me. It mirrored my father’s life, and watching it brought back a flood of emotions. I sat in that theater long after the credits rolled, overwhelmed with tears.

Today, as society becomes more accepting of LGBTQ+ identities and the stigma surrounding AIDS begins to fade, I find it easier to share my father’s story. Yet, I still hesitate to reveal the full truth to my kids. I plan to watch Philadelphia with them one day, explaining the bits I know about their grandfather: his love for gadgets, books, and Star Wars, and how he would have cherished them.

Later that same day, after my kids were tucked in, I shared a photo of my dad and me on social media with the hashtag #LoveWins. It was a cathartic moment, and I allowed myself to grieve. I cried for the world he deserved, for the years he felt he had to hide, and for the connection we never fully established.

We’ve come a long way, and while love ultimately triumphs, it doesn’t always arrive on time.

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In summary, the marriage equality decision resonates with me on a personal level, as it highlights the change we’ve fought for and the love that should never have been hidden.

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