As I swiped my card at the jukebox, I thought, “This will be ironic.” Before long, I had spent a small fortune just to hear a cringe-worthy ’90s hit—only for the bartender to cut it off after a mere 10 seconds. “What about ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’?” I asked. He dismissed it, claiming it didn’t belong in a bar. So there I was, out a ton of cash for nothing.
It seems that jukeboxes have become ridiculously pricey, especially those touch-screen versions that promise every song imaginable. You might think you’re just dropping in a dollar, but suddenly you’ve drained your bank account faster than you can say “student loans.”
That’s why it’s crucial to be strategic with your jukebox choices. Here’s how to navigate the selection process:
Crowd-Pleasers
These tracks are the golden retrievers of the jukebox—beloved by all and guaranteed to get everyone tapping their feet.
Top picks: “Sweet Home Alabama,” “Sweet Caroline,” “Sweet Child O’ Mine,” and anything else with a sweet vibe. Don’t forget classics like “Brown Eyed Girl,” “Old Time Rock and Roll,” “Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It),” and “Respect.”
The Songs You Truly Adore
These picks may not win any popularity contests and could even ruffle some feathers. But who cares? You’ll be belting them out like they’re your personal anthems, and that’s a win in my book.
Top picks: “P.Y.T.,” anything from Beck’s more avant-garde phases, “Everybody (Backstreet’s Back),” and those Sonic Youth songs that are mostly just noise. Let’s not forget Bobby Brown—his catalog is packed with gems.
Guilty Pleasure Songs (That Are Really Just Pleasures)
This is where you unveil your inner fan.
Top picks: “November Rain,” “Return of the Mack,” and, despite what critics say, “You Get What You Give” by New Radicals is a pop masterpiece.
The Long Songs
Want to stretch your dollar? Go for songs that take their sweet time.
Top picks: “Purple Rain” at 8:42, “Gypsy Woman” by Tim Buckley at 12:19, and if you’re feeling particularly adventurous, Brian Eno’s “Thursday Afternoon” lasts a whopping 61 minutes. Meat Loaf is always a safe bet for a lengthy track.
The Trendy Tracks
These songs should either be vintage classics or fresh hits, depending on your audience.
Top picks: For newer selections, aim for bands with creative spellings, like Chvrches or Haerts. For nostalgic vibes, channel your inner Zach Braff and pick something a little off the beaten path.
The Umlauts
I have this unshakeable belief that adding an umlaut enhances everything, including band names.
Top picks: “Could You Be the One?” by Hüsker Dü, and tracks from Mötley Crüe, Björk, or Motörhead. If you’re feeling cheeky, throw on “(Don’t Fear) the Reaper” by Blue Öyster Cult. However, steer clear of Queensrÿche—I’m convinced they’ve been outlawed since 1994.
In conclusion, the next time you face a jukebox, remember these tips for a wise selection. Your wallet will thank you, and so will your fellow patrons. And if you’re interested in more about home insemination, check out this informative article as well as this resource for additional guidance.