Updated: Aug. 5, 2016
Originally Published: June 24, 2015
“Uncle Mark thinks we can’t watch Pitch Perfect 2, but I’m pretty sure it’s not even that bad. So, can we see it when you get back? I mean, it’s Pitch Perfect 2!”
I sighed deeply and planted my feet firmly by the fence. Pitch Perfect 2 could wait a bit longer. After my partner edged through the transition, I dashed through the trees to watch him splash himself with a cup of water before hitting the run course.
The sweltering heat and humidity felt overwhelming that day, even for a spectator. I found a shady spot to sit and pulled out my phone. “I’m 99 percent certain you can catch the movie after I return,” I texted my son. “But can we keep things calm while I’m away? I’d prefer not to pull rank and stir up any tension. Does that make sense?”
I anticipated some pushback, an argument I didn’t have the energy for. But within moments, as I walked to a cool restaurant for lunch, he replied, “Sure, that’s fine.” I read it twice just to confirm I wasn’t imagining things.
Once inside the air-conditioned restaurant, I was struck by how smoothly the whole situation unfolded. No accusations, no arguing, just clear communication and a mutual understanding that felt refreshing.
This wasn’t the first time I’d found texting to be a more effective parenting tool. When my kids pressure me for something—whether it’s a last-minute change in plans or a new outfit from the other side of the mall—a firm “No” via text, perhaps with a brief explanation, allows me to dodge the exhausting cycle of arguments that typically leads to me losing my cool. The silence following a text gives me the chance to reinforce that calm when we finally meet, avoiding any further discussions about it.
At the heart of it, the built-in delay is what makes texting so valuable for me; it acts like a filter. By the time I send a message, I’ve taken a moment to consider whether it’s truly what I want to say. The “parent time-out” it provides is priceless; parenting via text creates that opportunity every single time.
As a writer, I need time to think through my responses, to refine and edit. I’m the type who rewrites a social media post multiple times before hitting ‘publish’ or scrapping it altogether. I’m not great at thinking on my feet, which is why my resume lists ‘former attorney.’
In law school, I envisioned attorneys having scripts or at least enough guidelines to navigate each case. But the truth is, every situation is unique, and there’s no manual to ensure you get it right.
Sadly, my kids didn’t come with instruction manuals either, nor did they provide an easy reference for why they might be crying or what they truly need.
In just a few weeks, they’ll both be teenagers, and the guidebooks are still nowhere to be found. I haven’t stumbled upon the magic pause button that stops me from saying things I might regret later. Except when I’m texting; there, I have that magical time-out right at my fingertips. I realize this isn’t a complete solution, but as they grow more independent and spend time away from home—and me—texting may become an even more handy tool.
Perhaps when we’re together in person, I can hold my phone while conversing with them, and that texting “pause” will remind me to consider my words before they leave my mouth.
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In summary, modern parenting comes with its challenges, but utilizing texting can provide a refreshing and effective means of communication. By leveraging the time it gives us to think, we can foster a more respectful and understanding dialogue with our children.
Keyphrase: parenting via text
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