When I was growing up, Sundays were reserved for church, and midweek gatherings were a given, too. My mother, a lifelong devotee of Christian Science, believed in forgoing medical treatment entirely, a principle she applied to her children. I vividly recall praying for improved vision in hopes of avoiding glasses. Spoiler alert: it didn’t work. My siblings and I relied on divine intervention to cope with illnesses like measles and chicken pox, since we were never vaccinated—something I rectified when I became an adult. After a harrowing incident where I was ejected from a convertible on my last day of ninth grade, I woke up alone in an ICU, severely injured but relieved that my mother was away at a church convention. Otherwise, who knows what might have happened?
In contrast, my husband spent his childhood at Bible camps in the South, where children as young as nine were questioned about their faith in extreme scenarios. “Would you denounce Jesus if faced with a firing squad?” is not exactly kid-friendly conversation.
Our own children, however, have never attended church. We don’t take them, and they don’t feel the absence. This doesn’t mean they lack faith or a sense of morality; they simply embody these concepts differently. There’s no hellfire rhetoric in our home.
Our belief system focuses on something far simpler yet profoundly impactful: kindness and compassion. We teach our kids that these are the cornerstones of a good life. They learn to respect their elders, always express gratitude, and treat others as they wish to be treated. We emphasize hard work and honesty, making it clear that dishonesty undermines even the greatest accomplishments. They understand accountability and know how to sincerely apologize. Daily, they are reminded of their privileges, aware that the world can be a harsh and unjust place—especially for girls. We strive to cultivate gratitude and widen their perspectives beyond their immediate surroundings.
When they inquire about God, we respond, “He embodies Love—capital ‘L’.” Love is the force that connects us all. If they ask what God looks like, we redirect them, asking, “What does our love look like to you? Can you see it, or do you simply feel it in your heart?”
We encourage them to find solace in quiet meditation, treating God as an eternal friend who is always ready to listen. They’re taught to seek guidance and to listen for answers, while believing in a greater good that they are part of—a force that desperately needs their contributions.
We also strive to model love and affection within our family. We support each other unconditionally.
Many parents today are moving away from traditional—or, in my case, unconventional—religions for their children. Perhaps it’s due to their close friendships with individuals marginalized by organized religion (our kids have three beloved “funcles” who fit this category). Or maybe they see inconsistencies in religious texts that challenge reason. Some may never have found God within the walls of a church but instead discover Him—or Her—elsewhere.
As I matured, I recognized that faith doesn’t have to be an all-or-nothing proposition. We can seek understanding and spirituality in quieter, more personal ways. My children won’t be puzzled by the contradictions some of us encounter when they reach adulthood.
They’re bound to have questions as they grow older. However, I don’t anticipate struggling to answer them. I don’t share beliefs I don’t genuinely hold, and when confronted with the unfathomable—like the meaning of our existence—I admit my uncertainty. I’m comfortable not having a definitive text to explain everything. I trust that their moral compasses will guide them, as we’ve helped set them in motion. I have faith in our children, and I believe that their essence resonates positively with a higher power.
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Summary
The author shares their unique approach to parenting, centered on kindness and compassion rather than traditional religious teachings. They emphasize the importance of moral values, gratitude, and understanding of a higher power, fostering a loving and supportive environment in their family.
Keyphrase: Kindness and Compassion in Parenting
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