Listen up, everyone. I’ve attended enough baby showers—some of which were even my own—to make a humble request: can we please retire these tedious baby shower games? Seriously, they’re the worst.
No one wants to play “Guess the Poop Flavor.” Honestly. NOBODY. Sure, you might think it’s funny to melt a candy bar in a diaper and laugh about the chaos that awaits the new mom. But trust me, it’s not amusing. I already have my hands full managing the messes created by my three kids, two dogs, and myself. I didn’t come to a gathering to wallow in more of it for the sake of fun.
And those trivia games? Count me out. I have zero interest in figuring out how many diapers a baby goes through in a year or the astronomical costs of raising a child today. I didn’t sign up for a quiz, nor do I want to reflect on how broke I’m about to be!
Let’s talk about guessing the size of the pregnant lady’s belly. She’s not a contestant in a betting game—she knows it’s big, we know it’s big, and reminding her of it isn’t helpful. She’s not a racehorse, and this is definitely not Vegas.
And don’t even get me started on the baby food taste test. I can barely handle that stuff when it’s for my own kids. I certainly didn’t find a babysitter just to gag at someone else’s house!
As for your endless questions about how well I know the mom-to-be, let’s be real. My connection is likely tenuous at best—I’m probably just here because my husband’s distant relative insisted I come. So when you ask me about her eye color or kindergarten graduation, my answer is simple: I HAVE NO IDEA. I can’t even keep track of my own milestones!
And I swear, if I have to pin one more sperm on one more egg, we’re going to have a problem. It’s not fun, nobody enjoys it, not even you, hostess! Just admit it! (But if you insist on making us participate while using that sing-song voice one more time, well, all bets are off.)
Instead, how about this: serve us some cocktails and finger sandwiches, and tell us we look fabulous. Or just bring out the food and drinks—no games needed. That will suffice.
Let the poor mom-to-be indulge in pastries, unwrap her gifts, and head home as quickly as possible. She needs to kick off her support stockings, attempt to find relief from her pregnancy discomfort, and prop those swollen feet up on some pillows.
For the love of everything sacred, let’s just skip the games, okay?
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Summary
Baby shower games need to go—most attendees find them tedious and unappealing. Instead, let’s focus on celebrating the mom-to-be with food, drinks, and good company.
Keyphrase: Baby shower games
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