Not long ago, a friend mentioned that Jack Ryder just turned 70. Remember him from MTV News? I couldn’t believe it. A quick search confirmed it: Mr. Ryder officially crossed into his seventh decade on May 5. While I wish him a joyful birthday, this news was just one reminder among many that I’m also growing older.
Recently, I found myself in a conversation with a coworker who’s in their early twenties. I caught myself saying things like, “This is the perfect time in your life to explore!” and “Trust me, it only gets more complicated from here, so savor these years.” Then there was that beach outing when my lovely 8-year-old daughter looked at me in my bikini and remarked, without a hint of malice, “Mom, you’d look so cute if you were younger.”
I’ve started to notice that I get called “ma’am” more frequently these days. And there have been several moments where I referenced pop culture from the ’80s, only to be met with blank stares from the younger generation (“You see, Friends was a sitcom about a group of pals… Oh, never mind.”)
In just a few months, I’ll be officially saying goodbye to my 30s. It feels as though 40 is rushing toward me, and I keep asking myself: How did this happen? How am I about to turn 40? I don’t feel 40.
Yet, the reality is that I’m living a life that reflects someone in their 40s. I’ve been married for a decade, have two kids, and a mortgage. I drive a station wagon and attend PTA meetings. I wear glasses for night driving, regularly visit the dermatologist (thanks to my childhood in the ’80s sans sunscreen), and find myself mulling over topics like retirement savings and whether Botox is a wise choice or just the start of a slippery slope to eyelid lifts.
My apprehension about turning 40 isn’t rooted in vanity or dreams unfulfilled. In fact, if you had asked me at 20 what my life would look like at 40, this would have been my vision, down to the last detail.
But still, 40. The big 4-0. No, no, no thank you. I’m not ready for it.
With a kindergartener in the house, our math homework often revolves around addition and subtraction, focusing on “adding” and “taking away.” It struck me recently that until now, I’ve primarily been in the “adding” phase of my life. I welcomed a partner, a career, children, a home, and friendships. These have been years of growth and building a life.
Though I realize the coming years will still hold opportunities to add new experiences (like, for example, getting a dog—hint, hint, partner), the truth is that my future will likely involve some losses and subtractions. My kids will continue to grow more autonomous, my beloved parents will age as well, a reality I’m not quite ready to face. Friends may move away or drift apart. Gradually, pieces of the life I’ve constructed over these four decades will slip away.
While I’ve never been overly sentimental about possessions and could impress Marie Kondo with my decluttering skills, the prospect of turning 40 has triggered an urge to hold on tightly to the people I cherish. It makes me want to freeze time just a little longer. But I know that’s not possible.
When I seek guidance, I turn to writers, poets, and musicians. I often find solace in the words of Mary Oliver. I was reminded of this beautiful piece:
“To live in this world You must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go.”
I recognize that the next 40 years will require me to let go—and I won’t pretend I’m not resentful of that fact. But for now, I’m going to continue loving fiercely, holding the people I treasure close, and hopefully adding to their lives along the way.
In case you’re looking to explore more on parenting, check out this insightful resource on pregnancy and home insemination here and for those interested in home insemination kits, you can find excellent options here.
Summary
As I approach the milestone of turning 40, I reflect on my journey through my 30s, the changes in my life, and the inevitabilities of aging. While I grapple with the concept of letting go of certain aspects of life, I also embrace the joys of love and connection that define my current existence.
Keyphrase: Aging gracefully
Tags: [“home insemination kit” “home insemination syringe” “self insemination”]