Updated: Oct. 23, 2017
Originally Published: June 9, 2015
The weeks leading up to my 40th birthday were filled with a sense of excitement, as if I were about to shed an old, worn-out coat and emerge radiant in silk, greeted by a choir of angels. Forty felt like a significant milestone, a moment to right the ship of my life. I imagined waking up on that day filled with newfound superpowers: confidence, clarity, and purpose.
Instead, I woke up feeling much like I always do—ambivalent, overwhelmed by the minutiae of daily life, and stressed by the demands of motherhood. Weeks turned into months, then a year passed, and I realized nothing much had changed. I was still searching for my path and my purpose. Then came the surprise of pregnancy with my third child, which pulled me back into the whirlwind of new motherhood.
I realized I couldn’t continue to hide behind the role of a mother for another decade. It was time to carve out my own definition of confidence, clarity, and purpose rather than waiting for them to find me. Like many late bloomers, it took me a while to discover my footing and understand what truly resonates with me. Here’s what I’ve learned in my mid-40s:
It’s about getting through, not getting over.
Growing up, the mantra in my house was, “Get over it, you’re amazing, move on.” While this mindset can work for minor setbacks, as my marriage evolves and my children grow, I’ve come to understand that life isn’t about pushing difficult experiences aside. It’s about acknowledging them, even when they’re painful. Getting through challenges means you’ve experienced them fully, creating a richer, multidimensional life filled with a mix of emotions—sadness, anger, joy, and all.
Make space by letting go.
This idea extends from the previous one. Once I navigate through an experience, I’m working on letting go of the intense emotions tied to it, creating room for new positives.
What others think of me is not my concern.
A good friend, Mia, once told me, “What people think about you is none of your business.” Though I understood her at the time, as a lifelong people pleaser, it took me years to fully embrace this concept. While I do care about how others perceive me, I’ve realized that I can’t please everyone. Instead of expending energy worrying about others’ opinions, I focus on ensuring I’m true to myself and the ones I love the most.
Bravery is a daily practice.
In my 20s, being brave meant taking big risks—like climbing mountains and relocating across the country. In my 30s, it shifted to marriage and motherhood. Now, in my 40s, bravery has taken on a more subtle form. It’s about writing every day, having difficult conversations, and saying “no” to my kids when it’s easier to say “yes.” It’s about finding joy in the small achievements and setting realistic expectations.
Practice self-kindness.
I will fail. I will mess up. I’ll shout at my kids, forget important calls, and maybe gain a few pounds. I’ve been great at criticizing myself for mishaps while neglecting to celebrate my successes. That’s a waste of time. My kids certainly don’t benefit from hearing me berate myself over minor mistakes. As long as nobody is seriously hurt, most errors are forgivable and, in time, forgettable.
I’m not young, and that’s okay.
I’m not claiming to be old; rather, I’ve accepted my age without illusions. I don’t yearn to relive my younger years, even though they were filled with fun. In those decades, I was often more insecure and stressed. I do worry about my sagging skin and wrinkles; aging gracefully is a challenge, yet as I grow older, what matters most is the content of who I am inside.
Stay vigilant, don’t fear.
I won’t pretend that the physical realities of aging don’t scare me. So far, I’ve been healthy and plan to stay that way, but I’m learning to be more mindful about my health, sleep, and other habits. There’s no need to starve myself or work out excessively for a small weight loss. I don’t have to drink socially if I don’t want to, and it’s perfectly okay to prioritize rest.
Accept praise gracefully.
When someone compliments me, I’m learning to simply say “thank you.” I often feel the need to downplay my achievements with a self-deprecating remark or immediately return the compliment, which can come off as insincere. Embracing compliments allows me to truly appreciate the kind words and the individuals who share them.
It’s not that I still got it; I’m starting to have it.
I’m not referring to looks or allure, but rather to what truly matters—confidence, clarity, and intention. Slowing down to live in the moment, recognizing my experiences, and not panicking is essential. Finding happiness, practicing patience, listening, and forgiving are all significant. Nurturing the positive takes work, and I’m committed to that journey.
Better late than never, right?
If you’re interested in more insights on this journey, check out this resource on pregnancy and consider the benefits of a home insemination kit or an at-home insemination kit for your family-building journey.
In summary, navigating life as a late bloomer has taught me invaluable lessons about processing emotions, setting boundaries, and embracing kindness toward myself and others.
Keyphrase: Late Bloomer Reflections
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