1. I was just kidding!
Sarcasm is my go-to form of humor, and I’ve used it since my son, Leo, was little. Now, he’s mastered the art of sarcasm himself. When I say, “I can’t wait to shop for a new blazer for your graduation,” he retorts, “Oh, great! That sounds like a blast!” I reply, “You’re joking, right?” He fires back, “I’d rather have dentist appointments!” Clearly, he’s absorbing my wit like a sponge.
2. You know junk food isn’t good for you, right?
On days when I indulge in a Coke Zero, Leo never hesitates to remind me of its downsides. He loves to recount a viral video where a can of Coke is reduced to a sticky tar-like goo, perfect for roofing. This is his revenge for the years I warned him that eating too many cheesy snacks would turn his insides a vibrant shade of orange.
3. I don’t understand. What’s so funny about that?
There’s a particularly cringeworthy show called “Drake & Josh” that Leo and his friends find hilarious. Whenever I’m forced to sit through its “funniest” moments, I often say, “What’s so funny here?” Now, whenever I share something amusing, he hits me right back with that same line. It’s frustrating enough to make me question my sense of humor—seriously, how do people laugh at this?
4. I need some ‘me’ time.
Every parent knows this feeling, especially when you just want a moment to breathe. I’ve locked myself in the bathroom with a book, setting an egg timer for 20 minutes of peace. Now, Leo has redefined “me time” to include any instance he’s avoiding homework, chores, or even the dreaded conversation about his day at school.
5. Seriously? When was the last time you brushed your teeth?
Leo used to revel in his “boy smell,” but now it’s a touchy subject. If I indulge in a garlicky dinner, he’s quick to remind me that my breath could use a mint.
6. Why do I have to do everything?!
This phrase echoes through my house whenever I ask Leo to pick up his sweatshirt or take his plate to the sink. Little does he know, the real “everything” is yet to come!
7. It’s not a playdate when my friends come over. We just hang out.
After years of referring to my friends visiting as playdates, Leo has now decided he’s too grown-up for that term. I can only hope that wine won’t be involved in his hangouts for a long time!
8. I’ll be in my room. I need some space.
This is usually accompanied by the sound of his bedroom door slamming. I swear, I’ve only used that line when I’ve had a splitting headache—not when I wanted to binge-read comic books.
9. You’re wearing that again?
Every day, Leo opts for the same long-sleeve T-shirt, sweatpants, and Vans. I used to encourage him to change things up. Now, he points out that I wear the same grey pants and white T-shirt daily. Touché.
10. Could you at least try to throw the ball to me instead of over the fence?
Whenever I misthrow, Leo is quick to remind me of my past comments about his less-than-stellar throwing skills. I guess he’s learned from the best!
11. Someone needs a haircut.
I’ll casually mention Leo’s need for a trim, and in return, he’ll point out my greys. “Wow, Mom, you need to see a hairdresser!” he’ll say, waving my silver strands at me.
12. Seriously?
This one word carries a lot of weight. “Seriously, you expect me to eat spinach pizza? Seriously, you think I’ll enjoy this documentary about a girl?! Seriously?” Okay, I might have overused that one a tad. At least he’s picking up on my expressions!
In conclusion, it seems that the things we say as parents come back to us in unexpected ways. Our words can be both a source of wisdom and a source of humor. As Leo continues to grow, I can only hope he enjoys the journey—and that I can keep up with his witty comebacks. If you’re also navigating the ups and downs of parenthood, check out this excellent resource for family building options at Resolve and find more parenting insights at Make A Mom for your journey.
Keyphrase: Annoying phrases from parents to tweens
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