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Modern Motherhood: Have We Gone Overboard?

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My mom has made it crystal clear that the antics of us “modern” mothers are sometimes downright bewildering. She believes we overanalyze our children’s feelings and wrap them in layers of protection that border on absurdity. It makes me wonder: Are we contemporary moms just a bit too much? Have we transformed into these overzealous “mommy monsters”? Here are 30 reasons why my mother thinks we’ve lost the plot…

  1. Video baby monitors. Mom argues that these gadgets are robbing us of sleep. We’re glued to the screens, checking for every little whimper and potential issue, instead of just listening for the cries that are sure to come.
  2. The endless lineup of activities for the kids. As if boredom were an emergency!
  3. Our obsession with food: everything must be organic, non-GMO, gluten-free, and more. While she agrees on the milk front—after all, we were developing early—she probably loses her mind at my overly specific grocery list.
  4. Clothing must be 100% cotton. Apparently, sensitive skin is now a universal condition.
  5. All personal care products must be entirely natural and free from fragrances. Again, with the sensitive skin.
  6. Laundry detergent? Better be eco-friendly and devoid of dyes and chemicals.
  7. The preschool application process resembles college admissions—interviews, waiting lists, and rejection letters included.
  8. My kids ask for kale smoothies. No joke.
  9. The convoluted car seat mechanisms require an engineering degree to navigate.
  10. It takes me ages to leave the house, thanks to the plethora of baby gear deemed necessary for a happy baby.
  11. My private preschool tuition could rival a mortgage payment.
  12. My kids have never tasted a hot dog. Choking hazard, of course.
  13. Balloons are banned at birthday parties due to choking risks.
  14. My children refer to their anatomy in silly terms like “woo-hoo.”
  15. They’re blissfully unaware of what a period is. Even when I’m in a public restroom dealing with my own, I just say, “Mommy has a boo-boo in her woo-hoo.” Easy peasy.
  16. My kids have picked up some questionable dance moves from the likes of MTV’s The Grind.
  17. We scrutinize our children’s poop for fiber intake and don’t shy away from discussing it with family. I’ve heard of some who even take pictures—yikes!
  18. My kids don’t set the table. (We’re working on it.)
  19. Laundry folding? Not a chance. (Still a work in progress.)
  20. Making their beds? You guessed it. (We’re on it.)
  21. We don’t own a Bible.
  22. Birth plans and an abundance of sonograms are par for the course.
  23. Gender reveal parties? What’s next?
  24. My kids are clamoring for Starbucks. “Can I get a kid’s hot chocolate with a smidge of whipped cream and a sprinkle of cocoa powder? SOY, please!”
  25. My wine consumption is a running joke, and my kids know when it’s “Mommy’s Wine Time.”
  26. They can do yoga poses like downward dog.
  27. My car is a haven for kiddie music CDs.
  28. The debate over screen time? It’s relentless, with experts weighing in ad nauseam.
  29. Hand sanitizer is a constant in our lives—used a million times daily.
  30. I analyze every little aspect of my kids’ lives, so much that I write about them and read extensively on parenting. (Insert eye-roll here.)

Why can’t we just enjoy simple pleasures like balloons, cake, and ice cream? Oh wait, because balloons are choking hazards, and cake and ice cream are likely loaded with artificial ingredients that could be harmful.

Sigh.

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Summary:

In a humorous exploration of modern motherhood, Jessica reflects on her mother’s bewilderment at the extreme measures many contemporary moms take in raising their children. From video baby monitors to kale smoothies, the post highlights the often absurd lengths we go to in our parenting journeys while questioning if we might be overdoing it.

Keyphrase: Modern Motherhood
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